Love Forever Strong

House Finance Unconditional

2009-04-02T22:24:00.000-07:00

My partner and I are almost the owners of a new home. Our first home purchase. We have been approved unconditional finance and are now waiting impatiently for everything to take place. Settlement is due to take place on 14 April so less than 2 weeks away, we should have keys to our own house.

I guess that means we should start packing!

Where Are We At Now?

2009-03-14T22:20:00.000-07:00

It has been a really long time since I updated this blog. A lot has changed in my life, yet a lot also remains the same. I am still not married, but still going mostly strong with my man. We travelled overseas at Christmas time, around Europe, including his families origin of Poland. It was an amazing experience and one that meant a lot to both of us. Particuarly to him, being that he wanted to show me where his family was from.

We are now undertaking another major milestone in our relationship. Buying a house. It was quite a sudden plan I got in my head when we returned from overseas. Financially, we were in our worst possible situation since we started our relationship, but economically, the world is at it's best. So with a bit of convincing, we took the plunge.

We found a house quite quickly. It was the first we chose to view. It was just right. Big, almost within our budget, and with all the stuff we wanted. And we managed to negotiate it to within our budget. Now we are both just as keen on the house which is exciting. We are waiting to receive the contract back from the sellers so all can go ahead. It is about 99% likely the house will be ours now, just pending our own finance which will be problem free.

The only bad thing is yet again, something has gotten in the way of getting me that diamond ring. He told me the trip would mean it would soon follow, now suddenly it's the house. Hopefully this is the last big event I have to go through as just the 'girlfriend'.

Someone Wants To Marry Me

2008-06-18T01:34:00.000-07:00

The girls I work with know my view on getting married and how impatient I have become waiting for that long delayed engagement. It has become a joke between us about the day that ring comes.

The other day we were making plans for a BBQ on the weekend at our supervisors house. I told one of the girls to bring her hubby because then my partner would have someone else to chat to because they got along well at the Christmas party. She informed me in telling her partner about the BBQ and that both my partner and I were going, he was happy to come along.

Apparently he asked how we're both doing and she informed him I was hoping frantically for Simon to marry me. Her husband turned around and said I'd marry her. I think she's nice.

So it might not be the husband I am hoping for, but at least someone's husband thinks I'm marrying material. She would probably gladly give him away most days too!

6 Years

2008-05-26T14:06:00.000-07:00

This Saturday makes our 6 years together for my partner and I. That is quite a long time. It feels like forever.

The unfortunate thing is no matter what, it is impossible to be perfectly happy every step of the way but we have kept on going and have gotten ourselves to this point.

To celebrate we are staying at a resort somewhere up the coast we have never been before. It is far enough away to give us time to explore the surrounding areas and enjoy the drive.

Karma

2008-05-07T18:41:00.001-07:00

That same friend I mentioned who is disatisfied with her partner and engaging in a verbal, mobile phone affair with one of his friends has been off work sick for several days. She said she was vomitting all weekend and believes it is the result of guilt, admitting her secret affair has taken a new level, including nude photos via phone.

I suggested maybe she should watch some episodes of My Name Is Earl and she agreed, she needs some lessons in karma.

It is scary how little people often know about their partners. Her husband has no idea and she doesn't want to hurt him, but has gotten to a point in her relationship where the risks she is taking could destroy him. I hope to never reach that stage.

Comparisons

2008-04-26T18:57:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been feeling somewhat taken for granted in my relationship and a little down on life in general. Nothing too severe, but just a general feeling of sadness I haven't been able to shake. Yet isn't it strange when you talk to someone else about this, how different a perspective they can put your situation in.

I have a friend at work who has been with her partner since she was 19. She is now 30 and they have 2 kids. She has been talking for a while about a friend of his who shows her way too much attention and how she feels general boredom and disatisfaction in her marraige these days. She has thought about leaving her husband and usually paints a pretty bleak picture of him. Then she'll say something that makes me think whoa, how could she even consider leaving him.

A few of us were talking about men and their lack of ability to compliment their partners as often as they should. She said her husband never even told her she was beautiful on the day of their wedding, yet he tells her all the time how beautiful she is in her daggiest house clothes, when she absolutely isn't trying. Personally, I would love my partner to tell me how beautiful I am when I look like utter crap.

Then we were talking about time spent together with our partners. She told me she is jealous of how much time my partner and I spend together outside of work, especially considering how much time his band takes up. That surprised me because she knows very well how unhappy I have been yet she sees something she wishes she had.

It is just fascinating that no matter how bleak your own situation seems at times, there is always someone else out there who sees something positive in your situation and wishes they could trade. Sometimes it pays to look through anothers eyes.

Seperate

2008-04-09T01:12:00.000-07:00

Ever felt like even though you live in the same house as someone, suddenly it feels like you never see them? Suddenly life gets in the way of actually spending quality time with the person you love and things feel pretty bleak. Feels like I haven't even had a real conversation with my partner in at least a week and haven't had real quality time in much longer.

Hopefully the day is near that we will collide again.

Creepy Photo Guy

2008-04-02T05:02:00.000-07:00

My partner and I got portraits done a few weeks ago. It is a local company that comes to your home to do professional portraits with the back drop etc.

It seemed like a great idea to finally get a good quality photo of the two of us together after so many years, so we went for it. The photographer himself was a nice guy and very professional. However a different guy handles the actual printing and ordering side of things.

This other guy came over to show us the photos on his laptop and we both thought okay, a bit wierd but it happens. He asked what we do and I said I work as a psychologist in a prison and he suddenly blurted out that his brother is a paranoid schizophrenic at the local mentally insane prison. A bit much information from a stranger but okay, whatever works.

He called to say he was bringing over the prints we ordered yesterday but my partner was about to leave for a jog. I told him there was no way he was going before the guy came and made him wait. He protested and had a huff about it but I'm glad I made him stay. He said afterwards that the creepy guy did not stop staring at me the entire time he was there and completely ignored my partner.

As he was leaving he asked if we were married and we said no and he went on about if we need a photographer, he can help etc. My partner said he actually thought the guy was going to proposition me right in front of him. Eeek. Totally creepy.

The photos are good but I will definately not be calling that guy up again!

Earth Hour = Good For Relationships

2008-03-29T18:00:00.000-07:00

Last night in Australia we had Earth Hour. An hour where each city turns off all their lights and appliances to conserve the environment.

My partner was not so keen but I convinced him it would be good and that we could go for a walk at that time. We had never been for a night walk since moving into our house so it was a good oppurtunity to do so.

We had our walk but somehow that only took up a small fraction of the hour so we came home and snuggled up in bed and talked and actually had really good quality time. The communication was so good without the distraction of television or what ever else. It even ended up in some pretty nice romance/passion so Earth Hour is great for getting that quality time with your partner. We should do it once a month!

Sydney

2008-03-26T14:17:00.000-07:00

My partner's not so successful band has been asked to fly interstate to record a song for a compilation album locally. Being such a big experience, of course I wanted to be a part of it all but did not actually expect that to be possible. Then I found out the drummers partner was going and the singer had already made arrangments so I could come also.

A normal partner should have been happy at this but not mine. Instead he flipped out about it being a waste of money because we would be spending no time together and he did not have to worry about spending time with me or me being bored. It was horrible. The other girlfriend is from that area and she plans for us both to go out sight seeing and shopping while the boys record so that was not going to be an issue.

Overall he was a total ass for no neccessary reason. Eventually he said sorry and said it would be a good trip but it is hard now because I have paid for a ticket and am not really sure I want to go. Why can't he just learn not to be so uptight.

Been A While

2008-03-23T20:02:00.000-07:00

Seems I have been neglecting this blog a little lately. That must mean things have not really been either extremely high or low on the relationship front. I suppose they are just flitting along somewhere in between.

Easter was busy but not very Easterish. He is now at band practice as always. Drives me insane because it would have been nice to relax together but if now, then I suppose I will just relax alone.

Plans for the holiday overseas are starting to come together but he is sooooo bad at procrastinating. Both our parents have hassled him over the long weekend. Hopefully his own parents will scare him into doing something about it asap.

Rough Day At Work

2008-03-10T14:27:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I came home after having a really awful day at work. I was angry and emotional and just really not up for anything stressful. To my relief, my partner had cleaned up the entire kitchen area, thrown out the garbage and just tidied up in general. It was a great thing to come home to.

Then I talked to him about what had upset me and I got very emotional so as he was cooking dinner he put his arms around me and was very comforting. It was really nice and felt so good to have someone care. I could not imagine coming home to an empty house after a day like yesterday.

On our way out for a quick walk up the street to post some mail, a sales person approached us about a free sitting for a portrait the following day. They are a local business and he said they charge around half of what the big name photography companies charge and if we would be interested in sitting for some photos and seeing if we like the results enough to purchase. I said I'd like a good photo of us together and my partner actually agreed. I expected him to say hell no. So tonight we have to get pretty and hope for some nice results.

Weekend Drive

2008-03-09T14:34:00.000-07:00

Went for a nice drive in my new car on Saturday. I let him drive simply because I still don't like driving in unfamiliar places and he loves driving my car. Probably means he has officially driven it more than me now.

The weather was not great and the place we went didn't exactly have the best beach but we did have a nice drama free day and enjoy each others company. It had been a while since we took a day to spend some time doing something new together.

Tuesday

2008-03-03T20:26:00.000-08:00

Still not quite off the rollercoaster as yet however things have been going a little smoother at the moment. He just drives me so crazy sometimes. Says the stupidest things or just does the most frustrating things. However, that is part of being a male I suppose.

Tonight we are going to his parents place for dinner and to finally get the dates for our overseas holiday at the end of the year. His parents have been taking forever to finally set dates and now they have but it isn't giving us so much time to plan. Hopefully his holidays are approved. I have no issues as I plan to take leave without pay or if they say no, then I'll just have to resign. No issue really. I'll be almsot a fully qualified psychologist by that time and therefore getting a new job if need be will be simple.

I hope the rest of the year is smooth sailing for the relationship though. Going overseas is very costly. I hardly want to have a shitty relationship in the lead up!

Rollercoaster Of Love

2008-02-23T23:30:00.000-08:00

The rollercoaster ride that has become my relationship never ends. The ups and downs are so frequent. I just want a nice steady ride for a while but it seems impossible to get there. No more ups and downs... bring on a nice stable merry go round or something instead.

We had another bad day yesterday. I am on the verge of giving up. I cannot handle the constant unexpected bad times. I just want to be happy and feel secure and stable in my relationship. Maybe that day will never come.

He has been at band practice most of today so we havent had a chance to sort it out. He made me breakfast as a peace offering but it is at the stage of needing so much more than that. He messaged to ask if I wanted to go to his parents place for dinner tonight as well because they asked. I told him it isn't exactly good timing with us how we were and not having a chance to sort it out first but it is up to him as I haven't planned dinner. Haven't heard since. No idea what is happening.

Tonight

2008-02-20T03:19:00.000-08:00

He came home from work to find me lying on a picnic rug in the backyard reading a psychology case study book. He lay down beside me and gave me a kiss, telling me he does want to marry me and it will be soon, but maybe not as soon as I want it. He said he doesn't want to put a time line on it and while I know that should be okay, I just feel like there is always something holding it back.

Him wanting to wait until after overseas is yet another thing that makes me paranoid in thinking perhaps he doesn't want it with me. Perhaps he is simply trying to avoid it forever. But if that were the case would he want me to come overseas with his family? He keeps talking about how this holiday will be huge for our relationship and the other stuff will follow.

I think we just have very different perceptions on how things should be and what order. I am still quite upset and this is something that I will probably continue to dwell on simply because I have no control over these feelings, but for now I am going to give it a go and see if it takes me where I want to go.

Then Not So Strong Again

2008-02-19T18:04:00.000-08:00

Last night I got into an argument with my partner about how he is not really saving hardly at all yet so far and we are supposed to go overseas for 6 weeks at christmas time, yet he keep spending his money on the band and on touring.

Then it came up about how he won't even be able to afford to get engaged and he said he never planned to propose overseas. It left me feeling totally shattered because all along I thought the reason he had been waiting so long was because he was waiting for that perfect moment. But it was never the plan at all.

Things turned really bad. We had to go to my sisters place for my nieces birthday and said nothing to eachother the whole time. Then nothing when we got home until I ended up crying hysterically for an hour before he finally bothered to acknowledge me.

He does not understand how much it hurts to find out that after all these years there are still so many things holding him back from getting engaged. It means so much to me to be his wife and to have a family with him but it seems these things are moving further and further back. 6 years is only months away and then seven and eight and however many more before he is finally ready.

Am I waiting for something that is never destined to come?

Today he sent emails saying it will come soon but that isn't the right time and we need the timing to be perfect etc etc etc but all I am hearing is not now. Not soon.

Just when things start to go really well for us, it all comes crashing down. Is it ever our time to shine as a couple? Or am I waiting for a dream that will never be fulfilled?

Everything Going Strong

2008-02-17T18:49:00.000-08:00

My birthday wasn't overly special this year. Just did not really feel like a birthday but it was a nice weekend as far as my relationship went. We are doing really well since he returned from tour. He has been putting in more effort and just seems to be a little more concious of my feelings. I hope it lasts though. I made sure to tell him last night that he has been more loving lately and it is feeling pretty good overall right now.

The only thing I told him I wished would improve would be his feedback. I just would like to know the little things he likes about me instead of the generalisations. If I ask what he loves about me, he'll say everything. If I ask for specifics, he wont' give them to me and never randomly compliments certain things, like an outfit I wear, or how my hair looks or anything like that. I just want to know the certain things he likes and hear it from him without having to ask.

But I'm sure he can learn! He isn't so silly he can't learn that one little thing ;-)

Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T17:12:00.000-08:00

Last night was really nice and went really well. My partner made reservations at a place we had never been. He even had a rose and card waiting on my pillow when I returned from work. Very sweet. As crazy as it is, a card with a romantic message from him is one of the most treasured gifts from any special occassion. Words mean so much more than items.

So we went to dinner, had a romantic night over all and it was just really nice. I am happy to say this Valentine's day was a success and he loved his scrap book present I made him and even plans to share his chocolates with me.

Presents

2008-02-11T13:30:00.001-08:00

I even got presents on my partners return from band tour. This is the first time he has remembered. Usually he says he will definately get me something and never does so it is a nice little gesture to know he thought about me.

He is being quite loving since his return too, which is great. I just hope it lasts because the lack of lovingness and romance is what got us in a bad place before he left.

Unusual But Nice

2008-02-09T16:47:00.001-08:00

I recieved another short call from the friend in the band last night. He called to see how I was holding up over the weekend with the band tour and all. It was surprising to receive the call but really sweet to know he was thinking about the things we spoke about the other night still.

I let my partner know that I received another call and he made some typical male comment about perhaps having a crush on me. As is perhaps the normal response.

Then later on when I called my partner to see why I hadn't heard from him to say he was back at the accomodation safely, he told me he'd spent 40 minutes talking to my friend in the other band about me. He said it was amazing to know someone felt the same way about me as he did but in a friendship way instead of the relationship way. He said they spoke about my intellegence and the ease of talking to me and in general just really good stuff about me. I was shocked and amazed.

He also spoke to one of the other members of that band about our overseas trip this year and how special it will be as the other guy is from Czech and they can understand each other when speaking their own language, with Simon speaking Polish. So all in all, sounds like he spoke quite often of me lastnight. Quite reassuring since one of my biggest fears about tours is him having so much fun he forgets I even exist back home alone.

Apparently I have even got a present coming home with him but it sounds strange. He said I won't believe it is for me and will think it is really for him but it is for me. I have no idea what that could be or if it is even a good thing!

Valentine's Gift

2008-02-08T14:53:00.000-08:00

Last night I decided to make my partner a valentines gift instead of the commercial habit of buying him one. I started a scrapbook all about us. I have already done the first 3 pages and have the background complete on the next two. It is going well however my niece is coming to stay tonight so I'm not sure if I'll get much more done before he comes home. Sunday night will probably be my only other chance before Valentines.

I don't expect to have the whole scrap book finished by the time he is home. That would be near impossible. But it would be nice to have about 6-8 pages complete to begin with.

Home Alone

2008-02-07T00:29:00.000-08:00

The house is empty other than the pitter patter of tiny feet (my cats) and my partner is interstate for the weekend. This is one of those weekends I dread months in advance. The emotional rollercoaster is always overwhelming and unpleasent, no matter how hard I try not to ride it.

Last night was not the perfect night I wanted it to be. It never is. The night before a tour is always an emotional and difficult experience. However, we got through it and this morning we were on good terms. He even left me a love note on the bench to come home to. I will admit I suggested it, but it was a really sweet letter and I will look at it whenever I feel upset this weekend.

Work is insanely busy and I am happy to say it kept me so busy today I barely even thought about him going away. But then maybe that was because today was only the travelling day and tonight is the start of the actual gigs and partying. Tomorrow might be a different story but hopefully not. I will most likely work an extra hour or so to get on top of my insane workload. And provide a distraction that extra couple of hours.

All in all, off to a good start of keeping sane!

Reassuring Call

2008-02-05T02:22:00.000-08:00

There is a guy in a pretty well known interstate band who just so happens to be playing the same gigs as my partner during this weekends tours. We hit it off ages ago randomly at a gig and have maintained semi regular contact since. I guess if there were ever a person to instill a sense of jealousy in my partner, he is the one, even though it is totally unneccessary. But it is nice to know he is human.

Tonight I was Myspacing and sent this person a quick email to say I wish I were coming along this weekend. In reply he phoned me and asked if I was okay because I didn't sound so good in my message. We talked for about an hour about band stuff, relationships and general insecurities. In some ways he made me feel pretty good, in otherways, he probably provided the wake up call I sometimes need when the insecurities kick in. He pretty much says it like it is so it might have been just what I needed to hear.

My goal is to now try and take some of the advice on board and see how I go about getting through this weekend painlessly. He suggested I buy a ticket and fly on down for the shows, but I know that is totally unreasonable. Instead, I'll do as he said, and try and get back into old hobbies and have myself an enjoyable boyfriend free weekend. And if that fails, there is always my niece coming to stay on Saturday night for company. I can totally vent to her. Fifteen year olds love to complain so that will work too!

Tuesday

2008-02-04T23:56:00.000-08:00

Finally a drama free day. Last night went smoothly. There was affection, tenderness and romance. No raised voices. No slamming doors. Most of all... no tears!

Things are looking up however he leaves for band tour on Thursday and is not returning until sometime late Sunday night. No matter how much I try to prepare myself for these absences, they are always difficult times. I know I will be an emotional wreck, particuarly so soon after the events of the weekend. The worst thing is he is home only days before Valentines day and my birthday. Usually we take a few days to mend after the emotional rollercoaster of a tour. I don't want to be arguing around valetines or my birthday.

He belives the future looks bright and we will be closer than ever. Always optimistic!