Love Forever Strong

House Finance Unconditional

2009-04-02T22:24:00.000-07:00

My partner and I are almost the owners of a new home. Our first home purchase. We have been approved unconditional finance and are now waiting impatiently for everything to take place. Settlement is due to take place on 14 April so less than 2 weeks away, we should have keys to our own house.

I guess that means we should start packing!

Where Are We At Now?

2009-03-14T22:20:00.000-07:00

It has been a really long time since I updated this blog. A lot has changed in my life, yet a lot also remains the same. I am still not married, but still going mostly strong with my man. We travelled overseas at Christmas time, around Europe, including his families origin of Poland. It was an amazing experience and one that meant a lot to both of us. Particuarly to him, being that he wanted to show me where his family was from.

We are now undertaking another major milestone in our relationship. Buying a house. It was quite a sudden plan I got in my head when we returned from overseas. Financially, we were in our worst possible situation since we started our relationship, but economically, the world is at it's best. So with a bit of convincing, we took the plunge.

We found a house quite quickly. It was the first we chose to view. It was just right. Big, almost within our budget, and with all the stuff we wanted. And we managed to negotiate it to within our budget. Now we are both just as keen on the house which is exciting. We are waiting to receive the contract back from the sellers so all can go ahead. It is about 99% likely the house will be ours now, just pending our own finance which will be problem free.

The only bad thing is yet again, something has gotten in the way of getting me that diamond ring. He told me the trip would mean it would soon follow, now suddenly it's the house. Hopefully this is the last big event I have to go through as just the 'girlfriend'.

Someone Wants To Marry Me

2008-06-18T01:34:00.000-07:00

The girls I work with know my view on getting married and how impatient I have become waiting for that long delayed engagement. It has become a joke between us about the day that ring comes.

The other day we were making plans for a BBQ on the weekend at our supervisors house. I told one of the girls to bring her hubby because then my partner would have someone else to chat to because they got along well at the Christmas party. She informed me in telling her partner about the BBQ and that both my partner and I were going, he was happy to come along.

Apparently he asked how we're both doing and she informed him I was hoping frantically for Simon to marry me. Her husband turned around and said I'd marry her. I think she's nice.

So it might not be the husband I am hoping for, but at least someone's husband thinks I'm marrying material. She would probably gladly give him away most days too!

6 Years

2008-05-26T14:06:00.000-07:00

This Saturday makes our 6 years together for my partner and I. That is quite a long time. It feels like forever.

The unfortunate thing is no matter what, it is impossible to be perfectly happy every step of the way but we have kept on going and have gotten ourselves to this point.

To celebrate we are staying at a resort somewhere up the coast we have never been before. It is far enough away to give us time to explore the surrounding areas and enjoy the drive.

Karma

2008-05-07T18:41:00.001-07:00

That same friend I mentioned who is disatisfied with her partner and engaging in a verbal, mobile phone affair with one of his friends has been off work sick for several days. She said she was vomitting all weekend and believes it is the result of guilt, admitting her secret affair has taken a new level, including nude photos via phone.

I suggested maybe she should watch some episodes of My Name Is Earl and she agreed, she needs some lessons in karma.

It is scary how little people often know about their partners. Her husband has no idea and she doesn't want to hurt him, but has gotten to a point in her relationship where the risks she is taking could destroy him. I hope to never reach that stage.

Comparisons

2008-04-26T18:57:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been feeling somewhat taken for granted in my relationship and a little down on life in general. Nothing too severe, but just a general feeling of sadness I haven't been able to shake. Yet isn't it strange when you talk to someone else about this, how different a perspective they can put your situation in.

I have a friend at work who has been with her partner since she was 19. She is now 30 and they have 2 kids. She has been talking for a while about a friend of his who shows her way too much attention and how she feels general boredom and disatisfaction in her marraige these days. She has thought about leaving her husband and usually paints a pretty bleak picture of him. Then she'll say something that makes me think whoa, how could she even consider leaving him.

A few of us were talking about men and their lack of ability to compliment their partners as often as they should. She said her husband never even told her she was beautiful on the day of their wedding, yet he tells her all the time how beautiful she is in her daggiest house clothes, when she absolutely isn't trying. Personally, I would love my partner to tell me how beautiful I am when I look like utter crap.

Then we were talking about time spent together with our partners. She told me she is jealous of how much time my partner and I spend together outside of work, especially considering how much time his band takes up. That surprised me because she knows very well how unhappy I have been yet she sees something she wishes she had.

It is just fascinating that no matter how bleak your own situation seems at times, there is always someone else out there who sees something positive in your situation and wishes they could trade. Sometimes it pays to look through anothers eyes.

Seperate

2008-04-09T01:12:00.000-07:00

Ever felt like even though you live in the same house as someone, suddenly it feels like you never see them? Suddenly life gets in the way of actually spending quality time with the person you love and things feel pretty bleak. Feels like I haven't even had a real conversation with my partner in at least a week and haven't had real quality time in much longer.

Hopefully the day is near that we will collide again.

Creepy Photo Guy

2008-04-02T05:02:00.000-07:00

My partner and I got portraits done a few weeks ago. It is a local company that comes to your home to do professional portraits with the back drop etc.

It seemed like a great idea to finally get a good quality photo of the two of us together after so many years, so we went for it. The photographer himself was a nice guy and very professional. However a different guy handles the actual printing and ordering side of things.

This other guy came over to show us the photos on his laptop and we both thought okay, a bit wierd but it happens. He asked what we do and I said I work as a psychologist in a prison and he suddenly blurted out that his brother is a paranoid schizophrenic at the local mentally insane prison. A bit much information from a stranger but okay, whatever works.

He called to say he was bringing over the prints we ordered yesterday but my partner was about to leave for a jog. I told him there was no way he was going before the guy came and made him wait. He protested and had a huff about it but I'm glad I made him stay. He said afterwards that the creepy guy did not stop staring at me the entire time he was there and completely ignored my partner.

As he was leaving he asked if we were married and we said no and he went on about if we need a photographer, he can help etc. My partner said he actually thought the guy was going to proposition me right in front of him. Eeek. Totally creepy.

The photos are good but I will definately not be calling that guy up again!

Earth Hour = Good For Relationships

2008-03-29T18:00:00.000-07:00

Last night in Australia we had Earth Hour. An hour where each city turns off all their lights and appliances to conserve the environment.

My partner was not so keen but I convinced him it would be good and that we could go for a walk at that time. We had never been for a night walk since moving into our house so it was a good oppurtunity to do so.

We had our walk but somehow that only took up a small fraction of the hour so we came home and snuggled up in bed and talked and actually had really good quality time. The communication was so good without the distraction of television or what ever else. It even ended up in some pretty nice romance/passion so Earth Hour is great for getting that quality time with your partner. We should do it once a month!

Sydney

2008-03-26T14:17:00.000-07:00

My partner's not so successful band has been asked to fly interstate to record a song for a compilation album locally. Being such a big experience, of course I wanted to be a part of it all but did not actually expect that to be possible. Then I found out the drummers partner was going and the singer had already made arrangments so I could come also.

A normal partner should have been happy at this but not mine. Instead he flipped out about it being a waste of money because we would be spending no time together and he did not have to worry about spending time with me or me being bored. It was horrible. The other girlfriend is from that area and she plans for us both to go out sight seeing and shopping while the boys record so that was not going to be an issue.

Overall he was a total ass for no neccessary reason. Eventually he said sorry and said it would be a good trip but it is hard now because I have paid for a ticket and am not really sure I want to go. Why can't he just learn not to be so uptight.

Been A While

2008-03-23T20:02:00.000-07:00

Seems I have been neglecting this blog a little lately. That must mean things have not really been either extremely high or low on the relationship front. I suppose they are just flitting along somewhere in between.

Easter was busy but not very Easterish. He is now at band practice as always. Drives me insane because it would have been nice to relax together but if now, then I suppose I will just relax alone.

Plans for the holiday overseas are starting to come together but he is sooooo bad at procrastinating. Both our parents have hassled him over the long weekend. Hopefully his own parents will scare him into doing something about it asap.

Rough Day At Work

2008-03-10T14:27:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I came home after having a really awful day at work. I was angry and emotional and just really not up for anything stressful. To my relief, my partner had cleaned up the entire kitchen area, thrown out the garbage and just tidied up in general. It was a great thing to come home to.

Then I talked to him about what had upset me and I got very emotional so as he was cooking dinner he put his arms around me and was very comforting. It was really nice and felt so good to have someone care. I could not imagine coming home to an empty house after a day like yesterday.

On our way out for a quick walk up the street to post some mail, a sales person approached us about a free sitting for a portrait the following day. They are a local business and he said they charge around half of what the big name photography companies charge and if we would be interested in sitting for some photos and seeing if we like the results enough to purchase. I said I'd like a good photo of us together and my partner actually agreed. I expected him to say hell no. So tonight we have to get pretty and hope for some nice results.

Weekend Drive

2008-03-09T14:34:00.000-07:00

Went for a nice drive in my new car on Saturday. I let him drive simply because I still don't like driving in unfamiliar places and he loves driving my car. Probably means he has officially driven it more than me now.

The weather was not great and the place we went didn't exactly have the best beach but we did have a nice drama free day and enjoy each others company. It had been a while since we took a day to spend some time doing something new together.

Tuesday

2008-03-03T20:26:00.000-08:00

Still not quite off the rollercoaster as yet however things have been going a little smoother at the moment. He just drives me so crazy sometimes. Says the stupidest things or just does the most frustrating things. However, that is part of being a male I suppose.

Tonight we are going to his parents place for dinner and to finally get the dates for our overseas holiday at the end of the year. His parents have been taking forever to finally set dates and now they have but it isn't giving us so much time to plan. Hopefully his holidays are approved. I have no issues as I plan to take leave without pay or if they say no, then I'll just have to resign. No issue really. I'll be almsot a fully qualified psychologist by that time and therefore getting a new job if need be will be simple.

I hope the rest of the year is smooth sailing for the relationship though. Going overseas is very costly. I hardly want to have a shitty relationship in the lead up!

Rollercoaster Of Love

2008-02-23T23:30:00.000-08:00

The rollercoaster ride that has become my relationship never ends. The ups and downs are so frequent. I just want a nice steady ride for a while but it seems impossible to get there. No more ups and downs... bring on a nice stable merry go round or something instead.

We had another bad day yesterday. I am on the verge of giving up. I cannot handle the constant unexpected bad times. I just want to be happy and feel secure and stable in my relationship. Maybe that day will never come.

He has been at band practice most of today so we havent had a chance to sort it out. He made me breakfast as a peace offering but it is at the stage of needing so much more than that. He messaged to ask if I wanted to go to his parents place for dinner tonight as well because they asked. I told him it isn't exactly good timing with us how we were and not having a chance to sort it out first but it is up to him as I haven't planned dinner. Haven't heard since. No idea what is happening.

Tonight

2008-02-20T03:19:00.000-08:00

He came home from work to find me lying on a picnic rug in the backyard reading a psychology case study book. He lay down beside me and gave me a kiss, telling me he does want to marry me and it will be soon, but maybe not as soon as I want it. He said he doesn't want to put a time line on it and while I know that should be okay, I just feel like there is always something holding it back.

Him wanting to wait until after overseas is yet another thing that makes me paranoid in thinking perhaps he doesn't want it with me. Perhaps he is simply trying to avoid it forever. But if that were the case would he want me to come overseas with his family? He keeps talking about how this holiday will be huge for our relationship and the other stuff will follow.

I think we just have very different perceptions on how things should be and what order. I am still quite upset and this is something that I will probably continue to dwell on simply because I have no control over these feelings, but for now I am going to give it a go and see if it takes me where I want to go.

Then Not So Strong Again

2008-02-19T18:04:00.000-08:00

Last night I got into an argument with my partner about how he is not really saving hardly at all yet so far and we are supposed to go overseas for 6 weeks at christmas time, yet he keep spending his money on the band and on touring.

Then it came up about how he won't even be able to afford to get engaged and he said he never planned to propose overseas. It left me feeling totally shattered because all along I thought the reason he had been waiting so long was because he was waiting for that perfect moment. But it was never the plan at all.

Things turned really bad. We had to go to my sisters place for my nieces birthday and said nothing to eachother the whole time. Then nothing when we got home until I ended up crying hysterically for an hour before he finally bothered to acknowledge me.

He does not understand how much it hurts to find out that after all these years there are still so many things holding him back from getting engaged. It means so much to me to be his wife and to have a family with him but it seems these things are moving further and further back. 6 years is only months away and then seven and eight and however many more before he is finally ready.

Am I waiting for something that is never destined to come?

Today he sent emails saying it will come soon but that isn't the right time and we need the timing to be perfect etc etc etc but all I am hearing is not now. Not soon.

Just when things start to go really well for us, it all comes crashing down. Is it ever our time to shine as a couple? Or am I waiting for a dream that will never be fulfilled?

Everything Going Strong

2008-02-17T18:49:00.000-08:00

My birthday wasn't overly special this year. Just did not really feel like a birthday but it was a nice weekend as far as my relationship went. We are doing really well since he returned from tour. He has been putting in more effort and just seems to be a little more concious of my feelings. I hope it lasts though. I made sure to tell him last night that he has been more loving lately and it is feeling pretty good overall right now.

The only thing I told him I wished would improve would be his feedback. I just would like to know the little things he likes about me instead of the generalisations. If I ask what he loves about me, he'll say everything. If I ask for specifics, he wont' give them to me and never randomly compliments certain things, like an outfit I wear, or how my hair looks or anything like that. I just want to know the certain things he likes and hear it from him without having to ask.

But I'm sure he can learn! He isn't so silly he can't learn that one little thing ;-)

Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T17:12:00.000-08:00

Last night was really nice and went really well. My partner made reservations at a place we had never been. He even had a rose and card waiting on my pillow when I returned from work. Very sweet. As crazy as it is, a card with a romantic message from him is one of the most treasured gifts from any special occassion. Words mean so much more than items.

So we went to dinner, had a romantic night over all and it was just really nice. I am happy to say this Valentine's day was a success and he loved his scrap book present I made him and even plans to share his chocolates with me.

Presents

2008-02-11T13:30:00.001-08:00

I even got presents on my partners return from band tour. This is the first time he has remembered. Usually he says he will definately get me something and never does so it is a nice little gesture to know he thought about me.

He is being quite loving since his return too, which is great. I just hope it lasts because the lack of lovingness and romance is what got us in a bad place before he left.

Unusual But Nice

2008-02-09T16:47:00.001-08:00

I recieved another short call from the friend in the band last night. He called to see how I was holding up over the weekend with the band tour and all. It was surprising to receive the call but really sweet to know he was thinking about the things we spoke about the other night still.

I let my partner know that I received another call and he made some typical male comment about perhaps having a crush on me. As is perhaps the normal response.

Then later on when I called my partner to see why I hadn't heard from him to say he was back at the accomodation safely, he told me he'd spent 40 minutes talking to my friend in the other band about me. He said it was amazing to know someone felt the same way about me as he did but in a friendship way instead of the relationship way. He said they spoke about my intellegence and the ease of talking to me and in general just really good stuff about me. I was shocked and amazed.

He also spoke to one of the other members of that band about our overseas trip this year and how special it will be as the other guy is from Czech and they can understand each other when speaking their own language, with Simon speaking Polish. So all in all, sounds like he spoke quite often of me lastnight. Quite reassuring since one of my biggest fears about tours is him having so much fun he forgets I even exist back home alone.

Apparently I have even got a present coming home with him but it sounds strange. He said I won't believe it is for me and will think it is really for him but it is for me. I have no idea what that could be or if it is even a good thing!

Valentine's Gift

2008-02-08T14:53:00.000-08:00

Last night I decided to make my partner a valentines gift instead of the commercial habit of buying him one. I started a scrapbook all about us. I have already done the first 3 pages and have the background complete on the next two. It is going well however my niece is coming to stay tonight so I'm not sure if I'll get much more done before he comes home. Sunday night will probably be my only other chance before Valentines.

I don't expect to have the whole scrap book finished by the time he is home. That would be near impossible. But it would be nice to have about 6-8 pages complete to begin with.

Home Alone

2008-02-07T00:29:00.000-08:00

The house is empty other than the pitter patter of tiny feet (my cats) and my partner is interstate for the weekend. This is one of those weekends I dread months in advance. The emotional rollercoaster is always overwhelming and unpleasent, no matter how hard I try not to ride it.

Last night was not the perfect night I wanted it to be. It never is. The night before a tour is always an emotional and difficult experience. However, we got through it and this morning we were on good terms. He even left me a love note on the bench to come home to. I will admit I suggested it, but it was a really sweet letter and I will look at it whenever I feel upset this weekend.

Work is insanely busy and I am happy to say it kept me so busy today I barely even thought about him going away. But then maybe that was because today was only the travelling day and tonight is the start of the actual gigs and partying. Tomorrow might be a different story but hopefully not. I will most likely work an extra hour or so to get on top of my insane workload. And provide a distraction that extra couple of hours.

All in all, off to a good start of keeping sane!

Reassuring Call

2008-02-05T02:22:00.000-08:00

There is a guy in a pretty well known interstate band who just so happens to be playing the same gigs as my partner during this weekends tours. We hit it off ages ago randomly at a gig and have maintained semi regular contact since. I guess if there were ever a person to instill a sense of jealousy in my partner, he is the one, even though it is totally unneccessary. But it is nice to know he is human.

Tonight I was Myspacing and sent this person a quick email to say I wish I were coming along this weekend. In reply he phoned me and asked if I was okay because I didn't sound so good in my message. We talked for about an hour about band stuff, relationships and general insecurities. In some ways he made me feel pretty good, in otherways, he probably provided the wake up call I sometimes need when the insecurities kick in. He pretty much says it like it is so it might have been just what I needed to hear.

My goal is to now try and take some of the advice on board and see how I go about getting through this weekend painlessly. He suggested I buy a ticket and fly on down for the shows, but I know that is totally unreasonable. Instead, I'll do as he said, and try and get back into old hobbies and have myself an enjoyable boyfriend free weekend. And if that fails, there is always my niece coming to stay on Saturday night for company. I can totally vent to her. Fifteen year olds love to complain so that will work too!

Tuesday

2008-02-04T23:56:00.000-08:00

Finally a drama free day. Last night went smoothly. There was affection, tenderness and romance. No raised voices. No slamming doors. Most of all... no tears!

Things are looking up however he leaves for band tour on Thursday and is not returning until sometime late Sunday night. No matter how much I try to prepare myself for these absences, they are always difficult times. I know I will be an emotional wreck, particuarly so soon after the events of the weekend. The worst thing is he is home only days before Valentines day and my birthday. Usually we take a few days to mend after the emotional rollercoaster of a tour. I don't want to be arguing around valetines or my birthday.

He belives the future looks bright and we will be closer than ever. Always optimistic!

Love Not So Strong

2008-02-03T13:39:00.000-08:00

I am emotionally drained after the weekend. It is Monday morning and I could easily crawl back into bed. Yesterday I must have shed more tears than what seem humanly possible. It just felt like I could no longer move forward in this relationship.

Things have been tough lately. It has been a busy time for my partner, but it was too many weeks without much romance or affection or just understanding and it reached a point where I really did feel like there would be no return. The weekend was promised to be one of romance and making things good again. Instead I almost walked out that door for good.

But I didn't. And hopefully it was the right decision. Only time will tell. Since the tears finally ceased last night, he has been more attentive and even this morning he held me longer than usual before heading to work. Even fed the cats which is something he never does before work. And half an hour after he left, he sent me a message on my phone reminding me to shut the bedroom windows and wishing me a good day and that he loves me. A simple gesture but one that goes a long way after so long without feeling particuarly loved.

It will be a long process getting us back on track completely but hopefully he has finally seen what needs to be done and will begin getting it there again. The worst thing is there are only 3 days together... 2 actually, before he goes away for 4 days interstate for his band. It leaves very little time to strengthen the bond enough to make me feel secure during that weekend apart.

Butterflies

2008-01-31T03:45:00.000-08:00

For the first time in the almost 6 years of my relationship I came to the realisation that I would never get that first time butterflies feeling in my stomach again possibly, for the rest of my life. That feeling you get when you first start seeing someone. The nervous first date. The nerve racking, but oh so sweet first kiss. Those first little touches in secret places. Right down to those fireworks that come with first time intimacy.

I am a passionate person. I crave affection and want a relationship that remains intense and overwhelming right til the end. However lately my own has not been one of fireworks and rainbows. There have been some very difficult days. The affection has been sparse and all because my partner is fulfilling other dreams in his life.

Of course I am happy for him, but not at the cost of my own happiness. I fear that it is only a matter of time before I may lose him. Or if I do stick by him, and say things do spiral out of control. Do I really want to be the girlfriend/wife who stays at home with the kids while he is off partying and living the high life on band tours and whatever else. This may never happen. But what if it does? Am I prepared for that?

No... I don't think I am!

Instead of butterflies now, I get an emptyness that craves his touch. I just want to be held. I want to be desired. He is always too busy, too tired, too distracted. Maybe this is just a temporary phase. I hope so. It has been too many years of my life to want to give up now. I just want the passion back. I want to feel first time butterflies all over again.

The Weekend Is Over

2008-01-21T23:21:00.001-08:00

The weekend turned out okay. There were a few minor moments of frustration, like the excessive amount of time I had to spend either alone or with people other than my boyfriend, because he was too busy doing band stuff. But overall, he spent a fair bit of time with me on the day of the music festival so I can't complain too much.

And the after party... well no one went. For starters, most people weren't even up for going out and then we went there with plans to have one drink and leave, and none of them could get in. So that was a pleasent relief! No partying without me!

So now we are back home and hopefully this isn't the start of a huge music career that will take him away more. I just want my relationship back to normal.

Valentine's Day

2008-01-18T03:20:00.000-08:00

Even though my boyfriend may not be in the good books so much right now, I have decided to get him a Valentine's present, nice and early so I don't have to worry about it later.

I got this awesome Shopaholics Guide to Shopping Online the other day and it recommended a gift site with a certain item I've been eyeing off for a couple of years or so now but could not justify the price. I've decided to go with it. It is marked down significantly as well. Almost $100 cheaper than I previously saw it.

The thing is, it isn't a romantic present at all. Quite evil looking in some ways. But it is very cool and he will like it and I guess it is a not so selfish way of buying it for myself anyway. I love it and maybe if he continues to annoy me, I won't give it to him anyway but keep it for myself.

I'm getting him the Voodoo Knife Block. Totally funky looking knife block but I really doubt it would a safe item to have in a house with kids. Good thing we have none!

Dreading The Weekend

2008-01-17T13:58:00.000-08:00

It is not very often that I dread the weekend. In some ways, I am trying my hardest to have fun this weekend. After all, we are going to a music festival. I have never been and it is possibly the biggest festival in Australia. I don't even have to pay for a ticket thanks to my partner's band playing. But then there are all the negatives.

Firstly, he talked about this VIP party and I am still thinking there will be something that happens that night to piss me off. Like he'll go off partying without me, or he'll drink far too much and want to stay out all night or just be generally awful.

Second, the line up at this festival is terrible. There is only one band I really like and they are on the same time as my partners band anyway. Otherwise I can't even distract myself with good music because it is all awful.

Thirdly, we still have no where to stay this weekend and I don't like the idea of crashing somewhere random at the last minute. I am fussy about my sleeping arrangments.

And finally, I just have a bad feeling about it all. Hopefully I'll be pleasently surprised though and will end up having a good weekend. Fingers crossed for me!

So Angry

2008-01-14T13:18:00.000-08:00

Again the band comes first. There is VIP party this weekend after a show that I probably won't be allowed to go to. In the past, Simon would never have considered going without me. This time he tells me there is no way he isn't going. I guess the answer I've been waiting for has finally arrived. He chooses the band over me.

Right now I am so angry that I am not even talking to him. I can't see how this is going to get any better either. I am hurt beyond words too that he would rather go off to a stupid party than celebrate a big event with the person he supposidly loves. Perhaps it is time to walk away now!

Birthday Woes

2008-01-10T13:37:00.000-08:00

The band has struck again. This time on my birthday. We were meant to be going interstate for the weekend with the other band, which was a little exciting because it meant we could do some tourist stuff on my birthday. But instead that is cancelled and he has a gig here with the band I don't even like spending time with.

So another lousy birthday for me curtosy of the band!

The crazy thing is that he actually thought I'd be happy about it when I was the one who was looking forward to going away for the weekend. I booked holidays so we could go for longer even though he did not think he'd get the time off but now we aren't going at all!

The only good thing is it means I can pick my car up on my actual birthday now and not the day we get home, 2 days later.

Snuggling In Front Of The TV

2008-01-07T13:36:00.001-08:00

Last night was one of those rare nights that we can just relax together, without any need to worry about one of us having other things to do or places to go. Instead we pulled out the futon sofa into a bed and brought out pillows and watched a horror movie (maybe not a romantic movie choice though) and snuggled up together.

Every couple needs those type of nights reguarly to keep things going strong in their relationship!

New Member of The Family

2008-01-04T18:03:00.001-08:00

About a month ago we decided to add to our little family of two to four (four being the weeks when we have the two cats I share with my parents). So we adopted a foster puppy. She is ours for around 9 to 12 months before she goes off to become a Corrective Services service dog... or in other words... a drug sniffer dog I suppose!

Our puppies name is Meg. She is a Border Collie/Coolie cross. She is only 4 months old and already huge.

Since she arrived she has taught me many things. Initially she taught me how cute puppies are since I haven't had a puppy for a great many years. We were predominately a cat family for most of my teens and adult years. After she taught me the cuteness, she also taught me that I really don't like it when dogs jump on me. Nor do I like it when they scratch me all over with their sharp puppy claws. Then I learnt the worst lesson of all... puppies are so destructive. Meg has gone from being the cute, welcome addition to our family, to reminding me to stick with cats in the future.

She has managed to destroy our BBQ cover, several pot plants, the flyscreen on our back door, our backdoor mat, and even had a chance to nibble at one of my very expensive bras off the clothes line. Now she remains on the lead when we wash the clothes.

However in saying this, it is an experience and as much as she drives us insane at times, my partner does love her very much and I think he will gladly keep her if she fails her big exam to become a service dog.

A Bumpy First Week

2008-01-04T17:53:00.000-08:00

So the new year is barely upon us and already I have had tears, hurt feelings and insecurities running rampant in my head. Okay... so what's new?

I do set myself up for disappointment by aiming so high and expecting so much from everything in life I guess. That includes my relationships. This year was one where I knew big things may happen. Especially with the trip overseas planned at the end of the year. For this reason I wanted to build this year up into something truely spectacular for my relationship. Possibly that is a bad idea!

I have been pressuring that male in my life about marriage in a big way lately. All along I though of course he'd be planning to pop the question overseas next Christmas. What better time, really? Then he came out randomly a couple of weeks ago telling me that next year was probably not likely but the year after was. I was devostated. So since then I have been trying not so subtly to put the idea into his head that overseas would be perfect and if not overseas, at least soon. I deserve it, afterall. I put up with so much with his band. Surely it is time to give me a little something back.

Okay so maybe the pressuring and non-subtle hinting is not a good method for the male kind but desperate measures call for desperate acts.

I have such high expectations for this year and what it holds for our relationship that already I am realising the disappointment I could be setting myself up for. So yesterday, with news that band practice would be both days this weekend and we were back to the old routine of planning life around the band, of course I flipped out. I was loving the holiday season so much, having him all to myself, being able to vege out on the weekends and have romantic dinners and lazy afternoons in front of the television. It was so great that I am not really willing to give it up. But of course I have to. And already I have. He is at practice right this moment and I am back to the over reaction and total annoyance that he has to leave me for the band for most of the day... again!

So to fill my own time, I will sit here and blog, and shop online and facebook, myspace, google and whatever else I can do to waste an entire day. Don't worry... I did some housework too. Did the washing... and maybe I'll even bake a cake or two... make him realise what an awesome domesticated little wife I could be!

It doesn't hurt to try!

A Year Of Happiness?

2008-01-01T03:14:00.000-08:00

Well here it is... the first day of 2008. This year is already one with many big experiences expected. I turn 25 in February and on that day I have a brand new car ordered. It will be my second car and I will have had my license for only a year and one month by this time so going from a 20 year old car to a brand new car will be quite a change. It is an exciting step and definately the most awesome birthday present for myself.

My partner and I are also supposed to be spending our Christmas this year in Poland, with his family. His parents are Polish and so we are all planning this huge trip over there for a traditional white Christmas. It will be a whole new experience for me because for starters, I have never been overseas and secondly, I live in Australia so I am used to spending Christmas swimming in the summer heat. I haven't even seen snow. However, I do still have some hesitations about this trip as it is a huge thing to commit to in any relationship, and being the over analytic person that I am, I cannot help but consider all of the worst possible things that could happen leading up to this trip. Like breaking up, or getting over there only to feel isolated and alone, or fighting with him there and not having any of my own family around at Christmas. But hopefully the trip is instead the romantic and exciting trip of a lifetime like it should be.

This month Simon is playing a big festival gig with his band. In Australia, the biggest festival is Big Day Out so the fact that his band is playing this gig is huge for them. I get a free ticket and yes it is great for him and for me to go and watch but the band stuff doesn't always make my life happy.

Simon has 2 tours booked in February. One with this band which I will not be able to go along on, and the first with his other, smaller band. At least I can go with them and be involved in the fun. Only, it falls on my birthday which isn't really the ideal way I'd like to spend my birthday but at least we can make a holiday out of it.

I will still be moving closer to my full psychologist registration throughout the year also, although that will not be finalised until March 2009. At least by the end of 2008, I will have completed most of my competencies.

I guess already 2008 is looking like a big year but what I hope for more than anything is a year of happiness and love with my partner. A year with less arguments, more fun and a chance to move forward. And as much as he doesn't seem to share this idea, I hope for a possible engagement perhaps when we are overseas. Hopefully by the time this comes, he too will be ready for the big step. It will have been 6 and a half years by then after all!

So Long Between Posts

2007-12-21T04:07:00.001-08:00

Yes it has been months since I've posted any updates. Definately not a good acomplishment as far as blogging goes but I have been without internet for approximately 5 months now. Finally have it back on in our new house which I guess isn't so new anymore. My parents computer is so slow that it would rarely even load the website, but I am back now. Slowly, but surely I will get back into the blogging routine.

While it is late and there is only time for a short update, something is certainly better than nothing.

Simon and I have offically been moved out since August. On a whole it has gone quite successfully with no serious ongoing issues. That is always a good start since the big move is often what makes or breaks a couple. It looks like in our cause it could be our making, providing things begin to move forward now. Unfortunately they are still moving at snail pace for me though.

This weekend we are holding our first get together at home. A pre-Christmas BBQ with our families. It will be our first chance to entertain since we moved out. Slack indeed but we only got our outdoor furniture for an early christmas present from his parents. Tomorrow we will be cleaning and cooking and all that other stuff that goes along with putting together a successful BBQ. Hopefully all goes to plan for Sunday lunch with the family!

Driving Me Crazy

2007-10-28T02:26:00.000-07:00

The band has just gone and driven me so far up the wall with their rediculous plans this time. Like it wasn't annoying enough the other day that they turned up drastically later than planned so I missed out on seeing Simon. Again they took the longest route yesterday and turned up at a venue at midnight only to play straight away then stay out until 5am, despite knowing they had to set off for home today.

So here it is, day one of the trip home and of course they only travelled around 4 hours in total in that whole day. What a waste! So instead of making it home Monday night, chances are it i'll end up being late Tuesday instead because they still have 18 and a half hours ahead of them. What is wrong with these boys!

I am so frustrated by the whole thing and to make matters worse, Simons phone has had a flat battery since last night. So i had no idea when they arrived and barely any more information. I was so angry but ended up ringing him on one of the other boys phones but I'm still just as angry knowing they are no where near close to getting home. What pisses me off most is the fact that he told me to come down to melbourne to see him and he told me he was taking a few extra days off at the end to spend with him. I saw him for one day in Melbourne and I will have one whole day off with him at the end of the holiday. Bullshit really. 2 days out of his 2 and a half weeks holidays!

I am soooo over this band thing!

Ups and Downs

2007-10-25T04:43:00.000-07:00

I was quite proud of myself during this current band tour for not flipping out hardly at all so far. My friend, the singers girlfriend, had quite a rough time on saturday night. I managed to remain calm and avoid raising my voice or crying at all. But finally that all fell apart yesterday.

Simon was due into Melbourne yesterday. Somehow they ended up choosing this rediculously long route, so instead they were due today. This made me really angry and I totally flipped out. The route they had chosen and driven on for 4 hours that day, had gotten them no where. They had gone the long way around so they ended up with more time left to go than they started with that morning. So of course today, they did not arrive until late. About an hour ago to be exact.

Simon was meant to stay with me tonight. He was meant to get into the city early and come back to my brothers place with me after he finished work. This was the plan and suddenly it all went to shit. So my emotions got the better off me and I lost it totally.

When I lose it, I don't just have a yell or a cry and let it all be resolved. I demand the end of the relationship. I decide that i cannot possibly spend another second risking my happiness for more disappointment and heartbreak. So instead of getting an appology and moving on, it pretty much sets the theme for the rest of the tour.

But really, not many people do understand how hard it is dating someone who sometimes puts you second to a hobby. Who doesnt seem to realise the impact this time apart and dedication to something other than them really has. And it has a huge impact. It is shattering to the self esteem and hurtful in every way possible. Lately marriage has been a huge thing on my mind and this band seems to be the thing getting in the way. While one of the members is getting married soon, my member doesnt seem to be able to see the possibility of both. He tells me he does but it is so hard to imagine.

So again I spend a night along, hurt and disappointed that I was put second to a band. Hopefully it is all okay tomorrow but every time this happens, there is a little bit more damage that feels irrepairable.

On Holiday

2007-10-23T18:10:00.000-07:00

Still no net but we've been in our new house for 3 months now. I'm down in Melbourne on holiday. Mostly because again, Simon is on a dreaded band tour. 3rd one since we moved out and this is a long one. He is away a week and a half but will be in Melbourne also tomorrow so it will only be just over a week apart in total.

Things have been going pretty good most of the time. We have been getting along quite well and fighting very little. Actually, there has been a lot of marriage talk the past week or two. Of course it is me that is doing the marraige talk but since he's been on tour he seems more and more open to the topic. He says it isn't so far away and I do have a feeling it might be proposal time when we go to Poland next christmas with his family but that is still over a year away. I have been very patient already. I guess another year wont hurt.

Simon believes he will be married and a father by the age of 30. He is 26 and a half already. Time is running out. But if he sticks to the goal, at least the marriage part will be happening before then. I hope. I doubt both will happen before then though.

One thing for sure though, I hate band tours. It drives me totally insane when he goes off and has these big long trips with them, claiming it isnt a holiday but sees all the sights we've never seen together and then never has enough time or holidays to take the same long trips with me. Frustrating!

Another Update

2007-08-31T17:29:00.000-07:00

We have been in our own home for almost a month now. It has been mostly good the entire way. However with my new job and having to do two roles at work right now, I have'nt been home on time for so long. It has been a bit frustrating for us both because it means Simon has to cook dinner and he is doing a really good job, but its one of those things we have always shared in the past. Now we realise you cannot always do it together and I would like a chance to repay the favour, but I just am never there early enough to do so yet. I am proud of how well he has done with the cooking though, since he never had alot of experience in the past.

Lastnight was spent at my parents house since Simon had a gig on. Actally he has 3 big gigs on all around the place this weekend. And last night was the biggest and it involved a lot of free drinks. While he would normally drive, we ended up catching a taxi home. At 4:30am. So it is now 10:30am and I am sitting here unable to sleep but have given up on the idea anyway. I have neer been good at sleeping during the day. I will certainly hit me hard tonight though. He is sound asleep. Maybe still drunk too. Argh.. I hate drunkeness. Its probably one of the main things we clash over. Drinking and the band and it seems they go together so really it is just one big thing.

But at least we have the chance to do the moving out thing together now. And once he gets a few drinks into him... quite a few. He starts to tell everyone that I mean more to him than anything so I guess that is a good thing too. Pity it takes the drink to make him talk like that. However I should be grateful that he rarely does it.

All I know is that I am going to be so exhausted at the end of this weekend! Then back to work it is for another long week of long hours!

2 And A Half Weeks In

2007-08-24T21:54:00.000-07:00

We moved out about two and a half weeks ago. Still no internet connected though, hence the lack of updates on how the big move is going.

We are still only 3/4 unpacked but the house is looking better every day... other than the two spare rooms where most of the remaining boxes and crap is sitting. However so far everything has gone really well. Hardly any arguments and what one we did have was because Simon was in Sydney on band tour anyway so we were not even in the same state. Simply the usual emotional rollercoaster that happens when he goes away.

We have been sharing the duties quite well and enjoying eachothers company and shopping for the odds and ends that we still need for the house. Overall, its coming together well.

I have noticed that there are only a few tiny things that have annoyed me since the move. The main one is the fact that when Simon comes home, he puts on the TV, so by the time I come home, the TV is always on, even if he isn't watching it. Sometimes the stereo is on too, or somethings he is playing guitar in the other room. Quite annoying but he has always been a big TV watcher. Not until you live with someone do you realise exactly how much. However his cleaning habits haven't bothered me because he is quite well trained for a boy. He even puts the toilet seat down which I expected to be an issue.

I think the move was a good choice for us. It seems to have been the right thing to do. So far all is going well but I'll post more updates soon when we get the internet connected.

A Week After The Move

2007-08-10T05:05:00.001-07:00

We started moving house Friday last week. It is now the following Friday and all is going well. The house is still in a state of mid-unpack. However, the essential stuff is all unpacked and organised. We have started to make it like a home and I am quite happy with it overall.

I think I suffered from some anxiety leading up to the move. I had a tight feeling in my throat for days and its gone now, but I think it was fear that it would all go wrong. But instead, it has been nothing but wonderful all week so far.

Simon and I have been getting along better than usual. We have been helping eachother each day, patient and loving all the time. It has been fun and exhausting, but so far I have had no doubt that it was the right thing to do.

We had a romantic night Wednesday night, and shared a bubble bath in our giant 2 person tub. I'm loving the bath tub very much. We cooked dinner and relaxed for the night... because yesterday one of those moments I dread arrived. Simon went on band tour.

They left yesterday afternoon and he will not be back until sometime on Monday. I think perhaps having spent such a wonderful week together taking this big step in our relationship has made it slightly easier than usual... however I really do not cope well with the band tours. I hate the paranoia that takes over my mind and I hate the fact that he is having a total blast without me. My best times are with him and I worry that his are with the band. He tells me they aren't, but I cannot help this insecurity.

My biggest fear is that every time he has gone in the past his phone has gone dead and while he started well with comunication, suddenly he stops calling or answering his phone for hours on end and I panic and assume the worst. I am hoping this time he doesn't allow that to happen, but its hard with his crappy phone battery.

I just hope that he comes back missing me like mad because of the perfect week we've spent together in our new home!

The Big Move

2007-08-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

It all begins today. Finishing work early to go straight to the Real Estate to sign the lease and get the keys. The car is already packed up with a few bits and pieces. Tonight will mostly be to just look around and check the house out with out any furniture in it. Then tomorrow the real fun begins!

Never- Ending Packing

2007-08-01T02:40:00.000-07:00

I must have more crap than anyone else I know at the age of 24. I have almost everything needed to furnish a house. Thanks to my parents, we will have pretty much everything we need in general to move out. But that is useful. Its the fact that I have so much other crap that is starting to wear on me.

I have already filled most of the spare room with boxes and it appears that I have only unpacked half my room. Actually, Simon thinks my room looks no different. But it does. The shelves in my entertainment unit are emptyish. The ornaments and photo frames from around the room are packed and the top of the cupboard is almost empty. The scary thing is that I even filled two massive boxes with shoes and bags. I'm not even sure I managed to find them all yet either, since there is still most of my cupboard to clean out.

I am getting there though... so its a start. Simon only started tonight and I doubt he even got much done. He forgot to take the boxes home he found at work so I have no idea what he is packing his stuff into! Suitcases maybe. They come in handy for moving. He luckily has very little in comparison to me. However that is also a point of complaint since he is bringing nothing much useful along to the house when we move!

Only 2 days til the move begins!

Fridge Organised

2007-07-30T22:04:00.000-07:00

So far I have done pretty much everything leading up to the big move this coming weekend. I found the house, organised the application and arranged a time to view it. Simon happened to agree this time round, which made it much easier when he is compliant. However, it is common knowledge that I have everything we need to move out, and he has nothing.

That case remains, however he has begun to add a few little bits of assistance to our plight. Today he went to see a friend about a fridge. Our friend works in an electronics store and is able to get discounts on everything, so our fridge will come relatively cheaply.

Since Simon went them without hesitation and called me during the decision making process, giving detail on what was there and his suggestions, I pretty much just went along with his choice. Normally I would probably have the final say simply because I'd be the one doing the planning and choosing, however since he actually helped out today, I just agreed and am quite happy to allow him to take over this one job. With any luck it will inspire him to help out some more.

So far he has not even begun packing. I have... but have about 5 times more stuff than he does, so I still have a lot further to go with my packing! Anyway... I finished work early today... so off to pack I go!

Moving Out!

2007-07-26T04:17:00.000-07:00

So we didn't end up with choices like I'd hoped. We missed out on the second house. But we did go see the first house that we have been approved for. It is certainly an older style home, wooden panel instead of brick, with a shabby garden and all that, but it has been well maintained and renovated.

Inside is a little small in the general living area, but the kitchen is quite new and large, with a dishwasher and lots of cupboard space and benches. The bathroom is also quite modern but small... but the exciting thing is that most of the bathroom is taken up by a massive bath. I love relaxing in the bath some nights so I am loving the size of the bath!

The backyard is big with a double carport and single lock up garage. There are 2 garden sheds as well, although I have nothing to go in them yet.

I was amazed that Simon actually liked the house actually. He is fussy. His parents have a massive fancy house and he turned down a house not so long ago that I didn't think was that bad at all. But he was pointing stuff out, saying what was good and that yes he liked it and yes we'd go for it.

The scary thing now is that he is still not quite being himself lately. Keeps laying down all these ground rules, but I think they are fears that things will change, just like I am fearing with all his rule throwing. We are both nervous of the big change ahead and I'm hoping this initial issue we are having will go once we make the move and settle into our new routine.

Either way... we are finally moving out. More than 5 years into our relationship!

Choices

2007-07-25T04:28:00.000-07:00

Today after work Mum told me that the other real estate rang today to say they had an issue with processing our application but were now able to do so. No idea what this issue is but she asked mum whether we wanted them to still do so, to which she said of course. Simon reports that he had the same phonecall this afternoon and that we would probably have an answer this afternoon. Then he said they never called back and being typical of him, he never bothered to harass them with a phone call to find out.

So tomorrow morning I will ring the real estate to see if we have been successful for the second house we applied for as well and if so, try to arrange an inspection for tomorrow afternoon as well. It certainly would be great to have choices. And while slightly more expensive and perhaps 5 minutes further from work, this house is quite new and modern looking compared to the other house. It would probably be preferable.

*Fingers crossed for having choices*

Another Hitch

2007-07-24T03:43:00.000-07:00

Last night was a disaster. Simon and I had one of the worst arguments and it really did feel very dim in regard to our future together. I started to wonder if it was even something I wanted to do because he was being very horrible. It was just horrible. So much emotion, tears and general lack of hope.

I guess it was possibly just the result of nerves at the thought that this big change is finally arriving. The fear that things will change drastically between us and one will suddenly be a different person and the fear of having to enter that next phase not only in our lives but with eachother. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to live here at home forever where it is easy. With my parents near by to help because they really do help alot and without the need to worry about things like money and cleaning up and getting so much more done.

But then that would not be realistic. We all need to take that plunge eventually and this is our time. So today when I rang Simon to confirm the time of the house inspection, we sort of resolved it without saying much. It felt better and as though we were over the issues of the night before.

Only for the tenants currently in the house to turn around and tell the real estate they would not allow anyone to inspect the house today. So that backfired at the last minute. Now we won't be seeing the house until Thursday. But at least it will be a bit further away from the dreaded argument of lastnight. And it sounds like the second house we applied for might be in the process of checking our application as well so we might end up with options.

We Got Approved

2007-07-23T00:49:00.000-07:00

Yay! The house is ours if we want it. So now that just means we have to go look at it and make sure it is somewhere we can both imagine ourselves living. Really, that means it has to meet Simon's approval because I am probably so eager to move out that I'd live anywhere right now... almost! Whereas he continues with the 'we have to see if we like it first" without a hint of excitement at the good news. Makes me very nervous overall.

Personally, bathrooms and kitchens are my big no go zones. If they are awful then I could not live there. But if they are good, then that is a definate bonus. And this house at least has a modern kitchen, with a dishwasher which looks good from the pictures. I have no idea about most of the house though. It is probably reasonably small but it is cheap and okay for our first house. There is only 2 of us!

I just hope it all works out. I would love a more modern home as well but at least this one is cheap enough not to eat into our budget too badly and gives us a chance to continue saving. Simon has a car loan and has not saved at all for his over seas holiday next year. I have the holiday covered but want to buy a new car next year. This gives us the chance to do those things and move out!

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows

2007-07-22T04:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the release of the final Harry Potter book. Last time I pre-ordered my book to be posted to my house. That was sort of frustrating as it meant that I did not receive it until two days after the release. This year I decided not to pre-order and just went to the shops at midday, once the rush had died down, and brought a copy at the local Big W department store. It was the cheapest price I am aware of so far.

The only problem is that I started re-reading the 6th book again the other day and am only just over half way through that now. Unfortunatly I will now need to wait to finish this one to get into the last one, but its okay. I am not a fanatic. I managed to read the 6th book over about 3 or less days last time, but these days with my new job and lack of time to enjoy the simple things in life, it will probably take me a couple of weeks. Depends on how good it is I guess.

Either way, I am excited and will admit I did one very naughty thing. I flipped to the final page to see if a certain someone died. I do know the answer to this and that another certain character must somewhere return. So naughty and totally ruining some of the suspense but I could not help myself!

At least it leaves a possibility for a later sequel perhaps. Can't help but hope!

Long Wait And Lack of Hope

2007-07-22T03:46:00.000-07:00

No news over the weekend about the rental property. On Friday before I left work, the payroll officer asked if I give permission for them to pass on employment information to the rental agency so I know the application was being processed. I am hopeful that tomorrow we will get some news on whether or not our application was successful. The only issue then is whether or not Simon will like it. It won't be a palace and it will be older and less modern than what either of us are used to, but we are young and are both saving up for a lot of big things so the more we can save the better. As long as it has all the essentials without being overly run down and if we can make it into a home, then I will be happy.

On the not so positive side, sometimes I get really frustrated with Simon's lack of ability in providing me confidence and reassurance in the future. Of course that is a typical male thing, but it can be so upsetting. Us women are more likely to tell our man we will love them til our dying day. They tell us maybe we'll be together until the end, which is their way of being realistic that they cannot control the future and thinking they are doing the right thing in being honest, but then we are left thinking we are only their temporary 'one' and not the real thing!

It was one of those not so satisfactory weekends as well, with too much on, not enough quality time. I wonder if this will be better or worse when we move out. I worry that instead of getting extra quality time, he will see that as an automatic 'quality time' and want to go out and do stuff with others more often and we'll end up doing less just with us alone.

Argh I want some news about the house. I wanna move out!

Only Applicants

2007-07-19T01:02:00.000-07:00

We put in two rental applications today. I had my dad fax them from work since neither of us could get off early enough to hand deliver them. I already received an email from one asking for one more form so she could get on with the checks. Unfortunately she had no sent this the first time she forwarded the form, so this means another day of delays before she can do the checks. But the good news is, this morning we were the only applicants for that property. That means we have a much better chance than usual and it may actually work out this time.

I only hope that in person the house is as good as it appears on the photos. Either way it is less than 10 minutes from both of our works which is great compared to now. My daily trip is 30 mins each way and Simon's is 20 mins and I have to go on a highway known for accidents and traffic jams. I just want to avoid having to do that every day. And it means Simon won't need to go on that same highway to visit me every day.

I hope we get it. *Fingers crossed*

Over

2007-07-18T01:37:00.000-07:00

I came home to an email today from my former boss titled "over". He was only my boss for about 6 of the months I spent at my previous work and he is only around 10 years older than me, so I never really did see him like a boss. When I finished we stayed in contact and at times he has been extremely flirty, but all in good fun.

We have openly discussed our relationships with one another in major detail, with my concerns being something he is aware of. Previously, he had only ever had positive things to say about his own and it was obvious that despite his flirting, he loved his wife beyond imagine and respects her in every way.

Last night his wife told him that she has feelings for one of their best friends and his wife is aware that the two of them have feelings for one another also. The wife of the other man has known for a few weeks, but my former boss only found out last night and is absolutely devostated. He has been emailing me for the past hour, talking about everything that has happened and opening up about his feelings. I feel so bad for him because he truely does love her so much and he has told me he will fight for her.

It really makes us see how inconsistant love can be. A relationship that seems so perfect on the outside can suddenly come crashing down when we least expect it. He has told me many times that they never fight and their bad day is no worse than most people's good days. I do hope it turns out for the best but it is hard to say at this stage.

I Want To Move NOW!

2007-07-17T00:36:00.000-07:00

I have been discussing my feelings with Simon extensively about the moving out thing. I have expressed my frustration over the fact that there is always another delay in the way of it happening and how he never seems ready to just do it. He claims that he is ready and he is thinking about it a lot but just wants to get these few things out of the way first. He told me that he hopes we can be in our own house in a months time. I can handle waiting a month so long as I know it is in progress. I just want the confirmation that we are working on it.

So far we have put in an application here or there... but have not gone so far out of our way to go into agencies and ask for their help in finding us a rental. I feel that for that reason it does not seem like we are really trying to find somewhere urgently. I want to make it an immediate thing and no more of this if it happens, it happens attitude. We need to make it happen.

At least he told me he wants it to be a smooth transition so that we do not have problems with money or stress when it happens. I know he probably is thinking it through well but sometimes he is too conservative and I just feel that after 5 years, we need to take a big leap now. So far we've taken enough baby steps and it is time for real steps again.

In saying this, I found a good one online today. It is cheap and has all that we need and I have asked for them to email me an application form and to arrange an inspection Saturday morning if possible. I hope it is possible.

Time To Give Up?

2007-07-16T00:18:00.000-07:00

Last week Simon told me this coming Saturday he only had band practice 12-2pm and that we would definately use this spare time to go to a rental agency and work on finding a house. Today I suggested maybe both taking a day off one day next week and focusing a whole day on it just to make sure it happens.

Instead he tells me he wants to use the time we had already planned to go on Saturday to get his car in for a service and the following saturday to get a wheel alignment and anything else and then after thats all done he will work out a time sometime soon to go to the rental office.

I cannot express how annoyed I am. He sets a time... changes it and all for his stupid band as usual. The only reason he needs his car serviced is because they want to take it on their tour early in August so again the needs of our relationship have been pushed aside for the needs of the band. I cannot believe he has even considered changing the plan to go into the agency this weekend.

Furthermore, I told him my goal was to move out finally sometime in July or at least have it in progress during July to move early August. Now it looks like he won't even be looking to start putting it in progress this month let alone find time to move. Then there is a band tour early in August and quite frankly, I don't think I can handle another of those without some form of serious committment. I've waited too long to get nothing and again my needs are being pushed into the background!

All I can say is he better not expect a positive reception when he arrives tonight. As it is we have an overdue DVD to watch and return before 9pm so there will be no time to talk and I can guarentee he won't turn up early. That will leave less than 2 hours to watch a DVD and have quality time to talk.

Loser

2007-07-15T04:33:00.000-07:00

We went on a big shopping spree today since I finally got my first pay after starting my new job. I had a lot of things I planned to buy plus added a few extras, however Simon just brought some totally random and embarrassing items that are so crazy I didn't even feel compelled to talk him out of them like I often would.

I'm not sure he'll ever wear them but he got himself one of those stupid fluffy hats with the flaps like in that movie Loser. I'm sure it will be very warm in winter as we are currently in winter... but winter in QLD Australia... not so cold! It might be good for Poland next year on holiday.

He also got some Magnum P.I style sun glasses which totally crack me up but work despite the humour. I have made a bet with him to wear the silly hat and sunnies at his next gig... at least for one song... and it just happens to be a big festival next weekend. It probably won't happen but it would be worth a laugh.

Otherwise, the weekend went well. We talked marriage and babies today without agitation. He agreed that my time frame that I am aiming for might work. After seeing the movie Knocked up, there was a scene where the guy proposed to the girl with an empty jewellery box with the promise of buying her the ring she deserved when he could afford it. I told Simon I'd even be happy with an empty box right now since we both agreed it was romantic. I'm sure I won't get an empty box but still... I wanna get engaged already ;-)

Quiz TIme

2007-07-12T04:00:00.000-07:00

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
I actually do not have any scars large enough to worth mentioning and those tiny ones I have, I don't even remember where they came from. I guess I didn't play hard enough as a kid.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Nothing... its a rental.

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
I do not really do any of these generally, unless I have the flu I might get a nose whistle, and I have slept talked 3 times... in a row... during the lead up to my belly button piercing. Strange because I haven't done it at any other time and I'm sure I've done scarier things.

4. WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DO YOU LiSTEN TO?
Mostly heavy music, metal, punk, rock.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
Not really sure. Perhaps it was the afternoon or the morning. I don't think it was over night.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
To find a rental house and make that big move.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
I miss the 7 week holiday I had between jobs only because my new job is very draining, but in a good way. I miss Simon while he is at band practice.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
My photographs, camera and laptop are all very special for memories.

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
Average height for a girl... 165 cms

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Nope.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Not really, but I do not really like going outside in the dark on my own. I just avoid it so it is difficult to say if I get scared. I think that childhood fear that a robber would be hiding around the corner stuck with me so I am a little nervous in the dark.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Myself... I cannot remember what it was over but it would have been some paranoid insecurity.

13.DO YOU HAVE A ONE STORY HOUSE OR TWO STORY HOUSE?
One story... it is completely flat.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE PREFERRED SEX?
No preferance really.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Neither. I prefer water.

17. FAVORITE PIZZA?
BBQ meat lovers or magarita

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I've just eaten chocolate and feel a little over food right now but if I ate something else, maybe it would be another tiny bit of chocolate.

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
No. That is cruel and discusting.

21. WHAT WAS THE MOST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECIEVED?
This is difficult. I have received a lot of great gifts, with deep meaning. Perhaps my promise ring from Simon is most meaningful because of what it represents and our promise to one another when we brought them.

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
No.

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
I am not a label junkie.

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
Yes, two cats, Felix and Villian and Dad has a bird, Boris.

27. WHAT KIND ARE THEY?
Okay I already answered this. I should have read ahead.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
You cannot stop yourself from falling in love with someone. I would certainly rather not love them if they were going to leave, but you cannot control what you feel.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
7.

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Brunettes.

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL MOST OFTEN?
Simon's mobile number.

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF AUSTRALIA?
Nope but I will next year.

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
A few musicans mostly.

37. FIRST JOB?
Office work/reception at my Dad's work when I was a teen.

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Nope. I'm shy.

41. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
Relaxing in the bath, reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

40. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
Nope... and I wish I never have to.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
My ability to listen and offer good advice.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Not really sure... my Mazda? Then I won't have to buy it myself hehe

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
2

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes my middle name is the name of my Auntie who was in a tragic accident as a teenager and died.

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
Nope. I do not believe in those types of things.

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
Herbal Essences, Fructis or Sunsilk depending on the mood.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
It could be neater.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Ham

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Over-thinking and analysing. Physically, I do not do anything too bad. No smoking, drinking, coffee consuming or anything. Only chocolate.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH
YOU?
Sure. I'm pretty nice.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
By chucking a cranky.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Barbies

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
No idea. I'm not about to count them.

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Occassionally.

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Macaroni and cheese.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
I do not really have any.

68. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
Buffy, How I Met Your Mother

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Macadamia nut or ferrero roche

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?
Indeed.

72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?l
My laptop comes with me in every room.

73. Plans for tomorrow?
Work, movies to see Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix and relaxing with my man.

74. WHATS THE FASTEST YOU HAVE GONE IN A CAR?
With me driving, probably only 115kms

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Sure.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
TV.

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
Water.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO OR TEXTED ON THE PHONE?
I girl I worked with for 3 days who taught me my job before she left. She is great though and I'm glad we can be friends after such a short time of knowing eachother.

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE preferred SEX?
Bosy language.

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
Annoying people, doing annoying things.

82. FAVORITE MONTH OF THE YEAR?
Summer months... and the bonus of them having Christmas and my birthday in them. Probably Decemeber. Christmas time is fun.

83. FAVORITE COUNTRY?
Australia because I have no other to choose from yet.

84. CANDY?
I do not eat a lot of candy.

85. FAVORITE VACATION?
My recent trip to Cairns with Simon was perfect in every way. Or my holidays in melbourne.

86. EYE COLOR?
Blue/green

87. FAVORITE SHOES?
I've been wearing my Red Converse all stars every day to work at the moment. Many of the prisoners find them fascinating. Otherwise I love my Emily the Strange ballet slippers and my pink Vans skull loafers.

88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
Subway.

89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
Viva Italia and Martinis

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Not really. The seaweed feels too weird in my mouth.

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED
There is some cop show on right now. Maybe it is NCIS or Criminal Intent. I have no idea. The last show I paid attention to - How I Met Your Mother.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Christmas maybe

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
Yeah, I can play a little drums but not well.

94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
Neither... I don't care.

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
Linkin Park's new CD. It is'nt that great. But its not terrible.

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince... again. I'm getting prepped for the new one soon. I think I also have a Stephen King book on the go and a few travel guides.

Another Rental Attempt

2007-07-11T14:42:00.000-07:00

Everything is going much better after my moment of insecurity the other day. Of course those concerns are still there, but I think they have been there ever since he joined this band and knowing it was so different to every other band in the past.

However, I have been frantically looking for a rental house in the area we want. The specific area we were aiming for seems to be very popular so I have expanded the search area a little and found a house about 15 minutes away from my work that I really like. It is an older style house but it is 4 bedrooms, with a massive rumpus area downstairs and it seems to have been renovated completely inside. I emailed through an application form last night so with any luck, it may still be available and I will hopefully hear something today.

The End is Near?

2007-07-10T00:51:00.000-07:00

Things with my boyfriend are becoming increasingly frustrating. There is the fact that after 5 years together, we still haven't moved out and while we are in the process of finding a place, it is taking so long and we are no closer at this stage. That is straining on our ability to move forward in our relationship, but after recent news, I'm wondering if we ever really will now anyway.

His band are meeting on the weekend with a band management company who want to take them above and beyond the skies limit to fame and fortune. It would be a dream come true for Simon, but it would not be a life I could bare to live. I cannot be the girlfriend who stays at home, occassionally seeing my partner, perhaps after weeks or months apart. I can't deal with the insecurity that bands, drinking and gigs seem to go hand in hand with. We are not at a really serious stage in our relationship. He claims we are, but without being married, or even living together at this stage, how can it be that serious?

I know that if it comes to this, I will need to walk away. He will have everything how he wants it. The band future he wants, the girlfriend he wants and the freedom he wants. But I won't have the boyfriend I want, because he will be far too busy to give the emotional and physical committment that I will need from a partner. Maybe it sounds selfish, but I know I cannot be happy with a part-time relationship and thats what it would become.

The email from the company even stated constant touring and gigs every Friday and Saturday night with regular weekday gigs as well when neccessary. Where does that leave time for a job, a family, and especially a girlfriend? It doesn't. And I am the type of person who needs a full comittment from my partner. Not a half arsed one and that would be all I get if I stay with him and the future pans out like this.

Music, Film, TV, Books and Other Stuff (50 questions)

2007-07-09T01:53:00.000-07:00

Basics
Name?:
Holly

Age?:
24

Music
Favourite Band?:
Karnivool, Soilwork

Favourite Solo Artist?:
None... I prefer a combination of instruments and singing rather than a solo performance.

Top 3 Albums?
1.: Karnivool - Themata
2.: Soilwork - Natural Born Chaos
3.: The Offspring - Ixnay on the Hombre

Favourite Song?:
Amazed by the Offspring

Song You Want Played At Funeral?:
Gone Away by The Offspring or Rose of Sharyn by Killswitch Engage

Best Gig You've Seen?:
The Offspring, Pearl jam

How Many CD's Do You Own?:
Too Many... more than 100.

Film
Top 3 Films?
1.: The Little Mermaid
2.: The Dark Crystal
3.: The Labrynth

Favourite Actor?:
Orlando Bloom

Favourite Actress?:
Perhaps Kate Winslet or Sarah Michelle Gellar

Favourite Director?:
Not sure really... I often don't pay attention to the director.

Have You Ever Walked Out Of A Film?:
No.

If Yes What Film?:
I'd never walk out of a film, I want my money's worth

TV
British Or American TV Shows?: American

Top 3 TV Comedies?
1.: How I Met Your Mother
2.: My Name Is Earl
3.: The Simpsons

Top 3 TV Dramas?
1.: Greys Anatomy
2.: House
3.: And I don't watch a lot of TV so I can't think of anothe

Books
Top 3 Books?
1. The Harry Potter series
2.: The Shadow Through Time Trilogy - Louise Cusack
3.: Anything by Dan Brown

Favourite Author?:
I like a lot, but I do enjoy the following especially: J.K.Rowling, Dan Brown, Tara Moss, VC Andrews, Louise Cusack.

How Many Books Do You Own?:
WAY too many

Food And Drink
Favourite Type Of Food?:
Italian, chocolate

Favourite Meal?:
Pasta just the way I make it with sun dried tomatos, pine nuts, olives and a tomato based sauce

Favourite Non Alchololic Drink?:
Boost Juice smoothies

Favourite Alcholic Drink?:
Vokda sunrise

What You Want From Life
Job?:
I have an honours degree in psychology so I want to find the ideal job that allows me to explore the areas of psychology I enjoy most, such as abnormal and CBT. I have now got a job at a prison which actually does that to some degree and thats exciting because its my first job in the field.

Ideal Job?:
A psychologist position that gives me a chance to do a little research, lots of clinical work, working with mental disorders and abnormalities and using behaviour modification to help people cope with their problems.

Most Important Quality In Partner?:
Honesty

Your Best Quality?:
I'm a really good listener and give good advice, without being judgemental

What Would You Change About Yourself If You Could?:
To be more secure and less paranoid about things going wrong or being hurt.

What Would You Change About Your Body If You Could?:
I would like my abs to stay totally toned and flat like they were before I started my new job with free lunches.

One Thing You Regret?:
I don't think I have really done anything much that I regret enough to remember.

What Do You Want From Next 10 Years?:
Marriage, babies, successful career but mostly just happiness... oh and lots of travel.

If you want to take the survey, join right in. I just thought this would be more fun, instead of hearing my complain about my life.

Relaxing Together

2007-07-09T01:44:00.000-07:00

On the weekend I got mostly what I hoped for with a relatively relaxing weekend. I got to sleep in late on Saturday with Simon coming home earlier than usual from practice to take me to the movies and buy groceries to cook a nice dinner together. We had a romantic night of dinner, massage and general lovingness. It was exactly the type of night I hope for often when we move out.

On Sunday we went shopping then together went to his other band practice which I always go with him for. I am directly involved with one of his bands, but not very much with the other. Then we came home to Chinese food that mum had ordered in.

I cannot begin to express how much I appreciated that relaxing weekend after the past two weeks of my new job. I am so exhausted and just want to do nothing on my spare time now. How I hope this coming weekend is relaxing as well!

Impossible House Hunt

2007-07-06T20:11:00.000-07:00

On Thursday night I got an email alert from a real estate website with a house in the suburb we wish to move in. It was a good price for a nice modern house so I printed off an application and put all the stuff together. Since I now work in a prison and cannot take my phone in at all nor do I have access to a fax machine right now, I asked Simon to drop it in for me. For once, he actually agreed. Up until now I have done everything with our house search and he has just said yes or no.

So he took it in but unfortunately, as usual, the house was already taken. Its getting so frustrating because we are struggling so hard to find what we want. We always seem to miss out. But he has started to realise now that it won't just happen like magic. We actually have to make it happen. So he said maybe we should go in to a couple of real estates and ask them for help finding us a house in the suburb we want and I said that is a great option but he is never available monday-friday or saturday mornings so that makes it difficult. But hopefully he will now see the importance of at least having a Saturday off from band practice sometime soon to do so.

Why Do Boys Take Longer To Grow Up?

2007-07-06T20:06:00.000-07:00

Last night the plan was to have a fairly quiet night, perhaps with a movie but otherwise nothing major. Just minutes before Simon arrived, knowing I was totally exhausted after a week of work, our friend sent a message to us both asking us to come out to the city that night. I instantly said thanks but no thanks. He instantly said 'Sounds great' without consideration for my feelings.

So of course there was a big argument and I am just so frustrated that he wants to drink and that takes priority over a quiet night with me. When will he grow out of the 'It's not fun if I have to drive' theory of going out with friends and jump at every oppurtunity for someone else to drive him? Will he ever grow out of that. I hope so because I find it really really immature and frusrating.

He isn't a big drinker... or at least he never drinks to get out of control or drunk, but it still drives me insane, possibly because I am not much of a drinker at all and it is something I was never raised to be used to. It is definately one conflict we certainly have.

So instead of my quiet night, we went to the city for 2 hours, which was totally pointless but not a totally horrible night because they are just as much my friends if not more so. I just wish he could be more considerate with things like that.

Climbed the Story Bridge

2007-07-01T04:40:00.000-07:00

This weekend was way too exhausting after my first week at my new job. I cannot believe how much it took out of me when so far all I have had is the induction. However, I had a massive weekend ahead and no escape. It came with its ups and downs.

On Saturday we climbed the Story Bridge in Brisbane, QLD. It is one of two major bridges here in Australia that have been set up for people to climb. The other is the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Simon's parents got us gift vouchers for Christmas and we finally went along for the climb yesterday. It has been booked for months because of the popularity so there was no avoiding it on this particular weekend.

It was a great experience and we had fun. Got a great view of the city at twilight and had a good insight into the bridges creation. It was a pretty easy climb and no where near as scary as I imagined. It is only 75 metres above water level which isn't too scary at all.

Unfortunately my extreme tiredness this weekend kicked in that night and Simon and I ended up having a not so great argument last night. It was one of those really sudden messy ones that you think are going to be the end of your relationship (actually I always think that... bad habit) but today we are fine. Just too tired and a bit nervous about starting the actual real part of my new job tomorrow. How I wish those times never happened.

However the Story Bridge Climb was fun so I recommend it to anyone visiting Australia or those of you who already live here. Give it a go... even if you do not like heights. It really isn't that bad!

Tired and Aching

2007-06-28T01:13:00.000-07:00

This first week of my new job has been so exhausting. I am mentally and phsyically drained from the information overload. However, it has been good and I look forward to getting beyond the induction week and into some real practical experience in the psychological field.

However, the drive to and from work is a massive 70kms a day. That means a tank of petrol a week and while that isn't too bad because I have a small 4 cylinder car that is cheap to run, I would rather not have to drive that far each day though. So I am really trying to get the moving out thing in progress now.

The difficult thing is that both Simon and I are working long hours now, with neither being home much before dark or before the close of business for real estates and everything else. Then Saturday mornings he usually has band practice so that gives us very little time to work something out. We can look up houses online but the application process becomes difficult without time to drop the application in. Hmm... I can see this is going to be a long, frustrating process.

However, I think we really need to get it going asap. We seem to be going in circles after so long together without the moving out part. We have really bad times, then we go on a holiday or something, get really good again and everything is perfect, and then we fall back into that rut of not moving forward and we get tense again. I think it is the step we need to take now or things will only keep repeating in this painful cycle.

Boys Rolls Eyes

2007-06-27T01:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder how we manage to put up with men at all! But then other times they are so loveable that we just cannot get enough.

Last night as predicted, Simon sorta pretended everything was fine. He turned up and kinda jumped on me for a hug and a kiss, but it was obviously planned for that purpose. I appreciate it though because it meant he took the step to break the icy tension and that always helps because I am not so good at that... hence the reason we ended up where we did in the first place.

Then the night was a little up and down from there and news of him having practice tonight only agitated me because I wanted more time together that felt good again. He kissed me on the way out of the door and said 'Everything is fine' because he knows I over worry about things. That is a part of me though and it drives him crazy sometimes.

His band practice was cancelled at the last minute so he'll be here soon anyway. Its good because I have so much new stuff to share with him about my latest day of induction at my new job. A phonecall simply would not have measured up.

No Better

2007-06-26T01:25:00.000-07:00

Still have not heard from my boyfriend. Things are definately in a state of the unknown. He was online earlier and I got confirmation to see that he read the email I sent in the heat of my upset. No reply... but I hardly get replies even when they are positive.

I get the feeling he will probably just turn up in the next hour and often he pretends nothing is wrong. Personally, I am so exhausted from my new job that I cannot even be bothered acknowledging anything that caused the arguments either... but then again it probably needs to be resolved.

Its just a crappy feeling because this was how we ended up regularly before we got things back on track. Lots of random arguments about things that probably didn't need to be argued about and lots of hang ups with no returned calls or explanations that sort of fizzled out. ARGH... I hate relationships sometimes!

Unresolved Again

2007-06-25T05:26:00.000-07:00

My second day at work will only be a long and painful process now because tonight I am sitting here crying over unresolved relationship issues. Why is it that it never seems long before the next big fight happens? And why can he say such insensitve things and then ignore my calls for the rest of the night when it is so clear I am upset and need to talk? He never wants to talk and only gets angry when I cry.

When we were first together he would call me back until we resolved our fights and we would never go to bed on an unresolved fight. Now I dont think we ever go to bed with a resolved ones and it is so painful because we don't live together so instead of waking up and talking then, I have to go a whole day at work distracted and miserable and then several hours after I get home before I might even see him.

I called so many times and left messages but still he ignores me. Sometimes I wish I could just stop loving him and walk away!

First Day

2007-06-25T01:18:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning after having had a very sleepless night and a bad dream. First day job nerves and fear of the big drive. So knowing that I was leaving the house around the same time my partner starts work, I sent him an eary morning text message telling him how nervous I was. He replied with a message along the lines of 'Stay calm, take your time and use your de-mister'. He knew that most of my nerves were based around the drive... and it was raining to make it worse.

His simple message helped me to relax and get there safely. Although I just realised I did not turn the demister off. That means I drove home with it on and did not really need it. Ooops! I really need to master this whole driving thing one day. Still so much to learn.

Right now I am waiting for Simon to come and give me a big cuddle so I can tell him about my first day at work and flop in his arms in front of the TV because I am exhausted.

Getting Very Nervous

2007-06-24T04:22:00.000-07:00

I had Simon come with me for a drive out to my new work today since I am not a confident driver and have only had my license a few months. It is the longest drive I have done since having my license. Its about 25 or so minutes along 3 major highways. I did okay but it is so much easier with a second set of eyes and just someone providing support in the scary situation.

He wished me luck tonight and told me to stop worrying. I wish I were more like Simon sometimes. He does not really ever get nervous and he has confidence in everything he does. He doesn't really understand how I get so nervous and has more confidence in me than even I do sometimes. He is my rock.

I wish I could just shrink him and keep him in my pocket tomorrow :-/ I can't even take my mobile phone into my new prison job.

How Infuriating!

2007-06-22T21:21:00.000-07:00

Why do men only seem to be able to do the good thing for so long before they manage to piss you off?

Simon is at band practice and was due to finish at 2pm. He knew I was waiting to hear from my sister because she had something major she needed to talk to and it turns out it was something about my neice and is quite bad. A bit after 2pm I rang him to tell him I had finally heard and what was going on and every time I tried to talk to him the idiots in the band would start playing their instruments loud so he could not hear me.

I am so angry. He should have told them to shut up or walked out of the room because it was a serious matter so now I am only going to remain angry with him later on. Sometimes I really hate those guys. And I hate how he lets them get away with anything!

Dinner and Movies

2007-06-22T18:59:00.000-07:00

Last night Simon took me out for dinner at an Italian resturant and to see a funny movie, to celebrate my good news. Before the movie we even went to a bar and had a couple of drinks as a toast. The odd thing about that is that I rarely ever drink, but he insisted we have a toast.

The nicest part was that I got to tell him all about how I am feeling and where it will take me and discuss all the details and he was genuinely interested. He didn't do the typical male 'bored' thing even though a lot of it was probably totally confusing for him, having never been to a counsellor or studied to be one.

Is It Normal To Be Scared?

2007-06-21T06:18:00.000-07:00

My life is finally starting to go the direction that I want. I am on the verge of finding out that I have an awesome job straight out of uni and a job means I can finally move out with my boyfriend after so many years. But suddenly I am scared.

I am scared that when we move out together, maybe things will change. I don't want them to change other than for the good, but I am scared that moving out will mean less quality time and more fighting or just different priorities. It makes me almost want to pause my life so I can leave it how it is now.

I am also scared that maybe I won't be brilliant as a counsellor and then I will doubt my career path. What if I don't have what it takes? I am not an extrovert and maybe I should be in that career. I am good one on one with people, but I hate public speaking in front of large crowds and I hate phoning people. I am so scared that instead of it getting easy after a bit of practice, I will be no better at these things.

Why does the future hold so much scary stuff in it?

Early Celebration

2007-06-21T05:05:00.000-07:00

Even though I haven't even been given the definate answer that I have the job, Simon is so certain that its mine that he wants to take me out for dinner tomorrow night to celebrate. He thinks that its a given so we might as well do something nice.

I'm not complaining about the free dinner... Italian to be exact... but I certainly hope I get the good news now. With any luck I will hear tomorrow, so that dinner tomorow night will be for a good reason!

It's Nice When They Remember

2007-06-20T22:54:00.000-07:00

I had a site tour for the prison job I applied for this week as the next step in my interview process. It sounds like I am pretty much going to get the job, but just have to wait until the final decision is made.

Less than 20 minutes after I left the interview, Simon called to see how I went. He was his usual optomistic self, stating that of course I was going to do well and I should believe him more often. As frustrating as being a know it all is, it is certainly nice to know our partner has faith in us.

I told him all the details and what happened and how I don't want to get too excited until I know for sure. He said it sounds pretty much like you have it and that it is a special job so its not like every other process of getting a job. That made me feel good to know that he thinks the type of work I am looking for right now is 'special' and he sees it as more than just a job. It made me feel like he actually appreciates my career goals and that made me even happier to know.

Gotta love those simple moments that mean a lot!

Future Plans

2007-06-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

I might be jumping ahead a little here, because I have not yet gotten the job I so desperately want right now, but I have already started looking at possible suburbs that we could move to if I do get this job. I have found several that are under 10 minutes from the prison where I hope to get the job, which is great because it really is in the middle of no where and I did not realise it was so close to some of these suburbs. They are also places that are closer to my boyfriends work than where he lives now too.

Oh how I can't wait for life to fall into place again finally! It's my turn for some good luck ;-)

One Of Those Nights

2007-06-19T05:04:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or do other people sometimes have those nights when you just feel cranky and find something to get angry about with your partner? Tonight was one of those nights for me. I was annoyed because he was late over and then I questioned him about something and he gave me an answer which really bothered me because I knew it wasn't true.

He doesn't seem to realise how much worse it is to lie about stupid little things than tell the truth. The truth makes me angrier for less time than a lie. He said he did not recall what I asked which could actually be true. He does forget things he sees as irrelevant but more often, he avoids the truth if he thinks it will upset me.

So I got angry... then I did the crying thing... and the back turning thing... and the well its over thing... then eventually I let him make it better after letting him tell me good stuff for an hour and how all the best times in the future will be ours and soon we'll be moving out and nothing will stop us this time, once I have a new job and it will all be wonderful.

I think I was worried that after such a great holiday, we would be so ready to move out and it would have been the perfect time then, but after a month or so it would start to show cracks again and we'd end up back to square one. We have been doing great lately but my paranoia probably crept back in tonight.

Its frustrating because for me, all my best moments in life have been with him and I cannot imagine a favourite memory not involving him. Whereas being a male, they have just as much fun with or without us, so while they say 'Of course the best times were with you', we are thinking to ourselves, no they weren't. You're just saying that!

Oh how frustrating the differences between genders are!

Good News To Share

2007-06-18T06:38:00.000-07:00

When Simon arrived I could not get the grin off my face at my good news. A call back for a second interview for the job I applied for. I spent the next half hour telling him every detail of the interview and the process and what happens next.

He congratulated me and gave me a big hug and kiss. One of the frustrating things about Simon is that he always expects the good thing to happen even when I am doubting it. So when I am stressing that it won't go to plan, he expects the good news so he always ends with an "I told you so". It's great that he has so much faith in me but frustrating that he doesn't understand my paranoia!

I rang him after he left to express more about my fears of getting so far in the interview process only to find out I still didn't get the job. He is always good at providing that little bit of a confidence boost when I am in doubt. I hope this time it pays off!

Future Looking Brighter

2007-06-18T01:39:00.001-07:00

I have a second interview with a job I applied for. Pretty much almost my dream job. So things are looking up. With a job again, it means there will be nothing but the competitive rental market stopping us from moving out soon.

Time for things to go my way!

Another Weekend Gone

2007-06-17T04:45:00.000-07:00

There was not a lot of quality time spent this weekend, with my boyfriends band playing 3 gigs. It made for a lot of travelling and very little time alone together. But with so many late nights and early mornings, at least it made the weekend last longer than usual.

I was worried we would argue last night because Simon likes to stay out drinking and I prefer to go home with our own transport, but there is no way I am driving around the city centre after only 5 months with my license. But on the actual night, he did not ask again about staying out and was happy to go home after all the bands finished, so there was no unpleasentness.

Today we saw the 3rd Pirates of the Caribbean movie again. Second time because he fell asleep at the end the first time and thought it was boring over all, so being a movie adict, he suggested we see again. This time after we watched the 2nd film again and it all made sense and was a lot more enjoyable this time.

Then we game home and I was a bit nervous and emotional knowing I have my first psychologist job interview tomorrow for my dream job but I do not think I'll get it with so little experience. But we had a quiet night with some passion.

The funny, yet disturbing thing is that he laughed at the fact that I had a little bit of armpit stubble. I guess it was the first time in 5 years he has seen that since I'm usually good with that and I don't have dark hair. I got embarrassed and he said it was sexy. Wierd. But it shows that when you love someone, even their not so perfect bits are suddenly good too.

Next weekend we get the house to ourselves so that will be a good chance to make up for some lost quality time this weekend and have a quiet night in cooking and snuggling!

PS2 and Exciting News

2007-06-14T05:27:00.000-07:00

Why is it that no matter how good I am at any game on PS2 (and I know I am pretty darn good), that my boyfriend still manages to beat me? So frustrating. It was a trivia game even. One of those Buzz games with the buzzers and he has won 2 out of 3. I am meant to be the brainy psychology graduate! Usually I am a pro at all trivia type games, but the Buzz ones have too much music and sport and really, I cannot out do a sport loving musican on these.

And why is it also that when you have news that is exciting to you, men never seem to understand the importance? Like my news of having a job interview at a place that would be everything I hope for and instead of being excited with me, I get a 'But it isn't a job yet'. Grrrrrrr! Just be excited with me! Don't rain on my parade!

I guess men are there to serve the purpose for bringing us women back to earth and perhaps we do the same for them too.

Wasted Night

2007-06-13T20:58:00.000-07:00

I knew this week would involve very little quality time with Simon, much like last week. Last weeks constant band practices were the result of this weeks constant gigs. He was meant to have 4 this week so last night, a Wednesday night, we had to drive an hour to where they were playing at the Gold Coast. We got there and they were told they would not be on until 12:30pm now. That is just crazy on a Wednesday, and Simon had to get up for work the next morning early, so he said he didn't really want to do it. Then one of the other guys suggested they pull out. So they did.

It never looks good when a band pulls out like that but I guess their egos give them reason to believe it will not decrease their chances of getting gigs. Afterall, they are meant to be the next big thing in Brisbane heavy metal, much to my horror that I will lose my man to his band.

So we ended up driving all that way, just to watch football in a club they didn't play at and then drive all the way home. I even went to the effort of looking really nice, which was rewarded. Simon actually commented on my hair looking good and that is an extreme rarity for him to compliment without being asked. So I did later tell him I appreciated his comment just to encourage future compliments as well.

Tonight is our only chance at quality time until Sunday really so hopefully we have a nice night together. Sometimes it is so hard trying to compete with band time. He only knows how to devote himself to one thing at a time, so as much as I try to drum through to him that he can be loving at a gig, he doesn't see it. Ahh well... tomorrow night the fun begins!

Walk In Another's Shoes

2007-06-11T06:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had an interesting, if not slightly disturbing experience. I went to work with Simon. He is currently standing in for his manager, thus making him the current Quality Assurance manager for a major food chain meat works. Sounds terrible. Actually there is very little about a meat works that doesn't sound a little yuk. But he has been working there since before I knew him and yesterday he had to go into work on the Sunday to check the temperatures of the meat in certain rooms, due to a public holiday today.

So I went along.

I had to put on all the typical uniform type stuff. Hairnet and white lab jacket, with no jewellery. So wierd and it was funny to see Simon in his work gear with his steal cap boots. He still looked sorta sexy even with his funny outfit.

He took me through where he had to conduct all his tests and showed me around in general. It was a huge place and the hanging dead cows was a horrible sight. I'm not a vegetarian but I do get upset thinking about how many animals are slaughtered for food each day.

I even met a few of his co-workers, including a women older than his mum who called him boss. It was amusing hearing my boy being called boss.

I even tried to convince him for a quicky in his office... but it was only a half serious attempt and he is far too conservative or "tired" for that sort of naughtiness ;-)

Still, it was interesting to have a better idea of what he does each day as it is an experience I never expected to have. It just goes to show that even after 5 years together, or 50, you will still never know every aspect of your partners life. Try as you might, there are certain bits that will always slip through the cracks.

One Area Still To Work On

2007-06-10T21:45:00.000-07:00

With how well our relationship is going after our holiday, I had really hoped we had ironed out any of the general issues we were having and mostly we have. Except one.

It is so frustrating but in my relationships, its not the female that is 'too tired' to get it on... its the male. He works long hours, with early starts and isn't really a night person. For him, its always pushed right to the end of the weekend. I'm lucky to get some sort of Sunday morning intimacy. It just drives me insane because the morning loses a lot of its romance and passion.

The main issue is that when he says he is too tired or wants to wait until morning, it just makes me paranoid that he doesn't want me the way he used to. I know deep down it isn't the case, but it still doesn't stop the insecurities kicking in and the tears of not being wanted. I hate feeling rejected.

He thinks when we move out it will all flow much better and happen more often... but until then I still have to live in constant expectation of hearing 'Later' or 'Tomorrow' when I try to initiate those special moments with my partner.

Why can't everything be easier?

Inspirational

2007-06-08T07:09:00.000-07:00

The romantic holiday must have inspired me. I am writing again after years of only having written essays and a thesis. It is great to be back in the novel mode, however instead of working on my previous novel, I was struck with a new idea. And it's got romance, passion and action. Almost like a Pirates of the Caribbean meets Helen of Troy... which is totally strange sounding, but it came to me in a dream.

Whoa that sounds wierd... it came to me in a dream. I have a lot of wierd dreams, so I guess its only natural to use them for inspiration.

It seems that my holiday was good all round. My relationship is going really well even though I have not seen Simon much since we got back with all his band comittments. But we are getting along so well. Although he is hogging the bed a bit right now, so when I turn off the computer and attempt sleep, I may have a different feeling!

Wish me luck with the writing :-)

Insecurities Are Evil

2007-06-06T06:01:00.000-07:00

Tonight I got struck with a massive, over-whelming sense of insecurity suddenly. This happens to me sometimes and may be the curse of being female. Or maybe I am just a freak? Who knows.

I told Simon about it and he said it is because we just had a great holiday and now I'm expecting something to go wrong. I think (hope) that is exactly the reason because it makes sense. That was very philosophical for Simon.

Later on I started thinking about the moving out thing again and how much I hate that he goes home and has dinner with his family rather than with me. It sounds strange when I put it like that, but I want to be the one he comes home to and I want him to eat meals I prepare and share that time with me. I hate that we come home to seperate houses still after all this time and I truely do believe that part of why we struggle so much is because we have been in the same place in our relationshp almost from the start. We are well over due to move out and it just isn't going well trying to change that. There are no houses available where we want them and the rental market is so competitive.

I am so worried that we will fall back into negative attitudes and bad habits, after getting things back on track again after our wonderful holiday. This would have been the perfect time to move out together, if only it had gone to plan. But instead I do not know how much longer until it happens.

Strong Bonds and Future Hopes

2007-06-05T00:27:00.000-07:00

Since our return home, things have been really good and really bad all at once. The really bad, I am happy to say, has absolutely nothing to do with my relationship and isn't really that bad at all. I am just sad to be home after such a lovely holiday and so bored at home without a job yet, or a house to move into or any of the other goals I planned to achieve while we were away. I also have a killer sore back which may have been the result of the massive amount of walking we did on our holiday.

Things with Simon, on the other hand, have been really really good. I feared that when we got home, things would instantly be how they were before we left and he would snap back into everyday, non-romantic and inconsiderate Simon. But he hasn't. We haven't done alot since got home, but last night we relaxed together, looked at our photos and shared memories, while watching TV (yes still watching tv). Tonight he has band practice so I won't be seeing him but he just made the effort to SMS me and told me how his day has been and actually asked me how I am and that he wished we were still on holiday. These simple things mean alot and I do feel that our bond has been strengthened since our holiday.

So at least one part of my life right now is going well!

A Couple of Holiday Photos

2007-06-03T20:38:00.000-07:00

I uploaded all the holiday photos onto the computer this morning and it seems that we took 138 in 4 days. I guess we certainly did look like tourists up in Cairns, which is funny since it is in the same state in which we live. Ahh well... memories are important and photos are a great way to record them. Here are a few of our holiday snaps.

The train up the mountains to a rainforrest village called Karanda

A waterfall in the side of the Karanda mountain

Green Island, on the Great Barrier Reef

Cairn's on an overcast day... and it was still warm enough for t-shirt and shorts!

Back From Holiday

2007-06-03T03:50:00.000-07:00

What an amazing 4 nights we shared. The only complaint I have is that it was far too short. We needed at least a couple more days to experience all the wonders of Cairns in tropical north Queensland. It is winter here in Australia, yet it was still warm enough to swim in Cairns. I love the summer so the weater is great for me... but most importantly... the holiday was romantic and memorable for Simon and I.

The moment we arrived in Cairns we were both filled with so much excitment at getting to experience a new destination together. In our 4 days away we explored so much, ate way too much good food and spent so much money. But most importantly, we re-strengthened the bond that we share.

We celebrated our love in passion, romance and just simple excitment of sharing new experiences together. We took so many photos, which I will add a few soon. We hugged and kissed more than we have in months. Neither of us wanted to come home. It was just so wonderful.

And since I never had a chance to get a card for our anniversary, I brought a couple of post cards on the day from a tourist location we went to and that night I filled one in with a loving message and left it on Simon's pillow when he was making a coffee. He gave me a big hug and a kiss when he found it and on our last day, he returned the favour and filled one in for me too. I have always collected post cards so that just makes this one more special than all the others.

I wish we could still be on our holiday and that it never had to end. Now I just hope those 4 perfect days are enough to keep us strong and positive now that we are back in the reality of real life. I don't want to fall back into old habits and I hope the renewed passion stays alive.

Flying To Cairns Tomorrow

2007-05-29T03:53:00.000-07:00

Yay... the morning means our trip is in progress. How exciting!

The only bad thing is that the weather isn't meant to be so great. Tropical North Queensland and it might be raining. Ahh well... it will still be fairly warm for winter. Hopefully we will get some swimming in.

Simon is excited too which makes the whole thing feel more special. He is often so wrapped up in band excitment to remember to be excited about us stuff. But he has been making suggestions which is great.

Time for bed so that when I wake up we can get to the airport and go!

Holiday Is So Close

2007-05-28T04:13:00.000-07:00

With only 2 more sleeps to go, our holiday is almost here. I cannot wait. I have been looking forward to this so much!

I am in the process of packing since I now have to work again tomorrow and am running out of time to get everything done. So I'll get the majority of the packing out of the way tonight. I'm sure I will have lots to write about when we get back. Hopefully all good stuff too, so stay tuned on Sunday night for a compact version of our holiday.

I hope it is romantic and special in every way and it relights some of the spark that has faded in our relationship! Bring on the passion, romance and all things wonderful!

But Then He Found It...

2007-05-27T05:22:00.001-07:00

I just had a call from Simon after he got home to say that his ring is found. What a relief!

Apparently it was on the backseat of his car under his guitar amplifier. He rang me as soon as he found it because he knew how worried I was. And he did his usual optimistic speel... 'I knew it would turn up. See, I told you there was no reason to worry'.

I am so happy. It just felt like this week was going from bad to worse, all just days before our holiday. No hopefully only positive times ahead.

We talked about the things we want to do in Cairns and both agreed we are definately doing the Karanda train and sky rail. Its a train and rail that go through the mountains to a city in the rainforrest. It sounds wonderful. We also agreed that a cruise on the Great Barrier Reef is a must... and the rest we will plan as we go.

Only 3 days to go!

He Lost His Ring!

2007-05-27T05:13:00.000-07:00

Around 4 years ago, my boyfriend and I brought eachother 'promise rings'. Not the kind of ring the jeweller sells as a promise ring, but a ring that we chose for eachother with the promise to love eachother forever. The rings were plain silver bands, almost like a silver wedding band. These rings were possibly even still the most sentimental gifts we have given eachother in these 5 years and had alot of meaning.

Since he has lost weight, his ring is huge and he refuses to put it on a different finger. Even when he first tried it on, it was too big, but he insisted on it being a good size. Boys have no idea. So I have always been worried that the day will come that his ring will be lost.

Well that day came last night and I was devostated. He told me not to worry until we knew for sure, and being the constant optimist, he insisted it would turn up. So I tried not to lose it, despite the feeling of dread sitting in my stomach. A few words were exchanged, with me asking if he ever cares since he seemed in no hurry to find it.

The ring could not be replaced. I could buy him another ring... but it would never have the same meaning. No, it doesn't mean the promise is gone... but the symbol cannot be replaced.

Hopefully All Is Well Again

2007-05-25T16:46:00.000-07:00

Last night was very up and down for most of it. Both of us were tense and snappy which made for an unpleasent evening, and there were some tears. But towards the end of the night, after spending most of it in seperate rooms, watching different television programs, I made an attempt to make things okay and we did some 'making up'. At least that means this morning when I left for my psychology supervision, I got a kiss goodbye and will hopefully get some appreciation tonight.

Today I have to go inspect a house for us to move into on my own because he is at band practice. I am not happy that I am left to do it on my own, and will be very disappointed if he does not make a big effort to show appreciation and gratefulness when he gets home, but tonight we are going to the movies and dinner with friends so hopefully it is a nice night.

We certainly do need one. I want things to be going well leading up to our holiday, because we don't want to have unresolved issues right up until we leave. That will make it impossible to enjoy ourselves. And last weekend we were doing great. It wasn't until tuesday when things started looking tense and it went downhill from there!

Morning After

2007-05-24T17:59:00.000-07:00

Even though our problems from lastnight are somewhat resolved, it never does feel right the next day. There isn't enough time between the conflict and the resolution to feel like everything is fine again. Emotions are still strong, and a resurfacing of the conflict is somewhat possible upon next seeing one another.

Even today I do not feel overly secure that we will make it all the way. Take that particular band out of the equation and there would probably be no doubt in my mind that we would be fine. But his ideas, opinions and attitudes have changed alot since joining and it has had very negative effects on our relationship.

I wonder so often if it will ever be like it was. I know it will never be exactly how it was in the beginning when there was not a single thing in the way of a perfect relationship, but I do hope for something at least close to those happy days together. But maybe that is wishful thinking. Maybe there is too much damage over time to get back to those days. We have both taken on new ways of reacting and arguing, that seem more and more damaging each time.

I miss the way he used to be so calm and let me have my outburts, then hold me so close and reassure me that everything is fine. These days he might drape an arm over me, and go on watching tv, or fire up right back at me, so it just goes around and around in a circle.

I just don't want to look back and realise that my relationship was less than great. I want to look back and see something magical and know we were the most important person in eachothers lives and that nothing ever would have gotten in the way of that. But it feels like there is already something in the way!

Impossible

2007-05-23T23:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think it is impossible to make this relationship work. Today is one of those days, when I am so convinced of that fact.

In the beginning I was everything to him. He hated to be apart at all and we would go everywhere and do everything together. While it can't stay that way forever, it should not change like it has.

When he joined this band, he promised everything would be together and I'd be apart of everything, tours, gigs, practices, etc, always by his side, and he promised it would never come between us. Things had been hard with a past band and he knew I didn't want him to join another one again. But he did... behind my back.

So in the beginning he kept his word, taking me everywhere. Then suddenly the band all turn into assholes and now he is one right along with them. Suddenly I'm not allowed anywhere. No practices, no tours, only gigs that anyone can go to in our own city. And he ignores the fact that he promised me this would never happen.

All that his life seems to revolve around is band. He lives, breaths, sleeps, eats this band. It is everything to him, and it sounds stupid to compare myself, but unless you experienced something similar, it is impossible to relate.

Everything we were meant to do seems to be pushed back further and further. We've been together 5 years. In our first year I asked him where he saw himself in 5 years and he told me married... we haven't even moved out together and I know the marriage and everything beyond that is further away and its because of the band. He doesn't want to be tied down with a family in case it gets in the way of his band.

It is so hard to support something that is tearing my relationship apart. I cannot be a doormat and let it happen. I am not happy. I get nothing that I should be getting from him, but the love of someone you've loved for 5 years is so hard to walk away from, even though sometimes I think I should.

I know it sounds bad, but I wish this band would break up. And I know its not just me, because I have never had a problem with the other bands. He has been in another band since before I knew him and still is. I support that band fully, and am close friends with everyone in it, and they would never try and ban girlfriends from being involved. They encourage it. So I know it just comes down to this one band... but he has chosen it over all else!

Have I lost him forever?

Footy and Cuddles

2007-05-23T05:21:00.000-07:00

Tonight was the first of the State of Origin footy matches here in Australia. State of Origin is a huge thing in Queensland and New South Wales, where rugby players from each state form super teams and battle it out for the best of 3 games.

I personally am not a big Rugby League fan... or football in general. However, these 2 or 3 nights each year are ones not to be missed by at least 50% of Australian males. So that includes mine.

As much as I hate Simon watching football, I knew there was no way he was missing it tonight so I tuned my television into the right channel and got the best reception I have had possibly ever in the two years since I've lived in my current house and had it all ready to go for him. I was also prepared for the impatience, lack of affection and random swearing at the television that comes with having him watch the footy over my place. But its what makes him happy, so I sat like a dormat next to him, giving him the occassional hug and doing my best to act interested in the strange ritual that some call sport unfolding before us.

I only got distracted for about 20 minutes while I checked my ebay auctions that had just come to an end, to find that I had made $45 from some old bits and pieces.

So not the most romantic evening, but there will always be some of those! Unfortunately I did get a bit cranky knowing that I have to inspect the house we are hoping to be approved to rent on my own on the weekend because he will be off at band practice most of the day. Ahh well... can't be 100% patient all the time!

Oh and we even have matching fake footy tattoos on our arms that came in the newspaper today! I did say State of Origin is massive in Australia!

One Week To Go

2007-05-22T18:09:00.000-07:00

Only a week left from today before we leave for our holiday to Carins in Tropical North Queensland! I can't wait!

I hope the weather is fine. At the moment it seems to be an average of between 29-30 degrees celcius which is pretty good considering it is winter in Australia this time of the year!

Quiet Night In

2007-05-21T04:01:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had a quiet, relaxing night with my boyfriend. Yes I did say last week that I wanted to get out of the tv watching habit, but sometimes it works out fine. Tonight was one of those nights where it just flowed and nothing bothered me about our routine.

We talked and were both at ease, after a weekend without drama. I wasn't stressed like I had been at my work and he didn't have a difficult day at work either. He was late and I didn't even get cranky cos he had sent me an email in warning.

So we just veged out, watched Big Brother nominations, and talked. And cuddled a little.

It was one of those nights you hope to have reguarly throughout your life with someone, where you know you can feel right at home in their arms and not have to worry about a thing. And he is keen to check out a house to rent too, even though I still haven't found employment. For some reason he has come around. Maybe its because things are going so well.

Love Forever Strong

House Finance Unconditional

Where Are We At Now?

Someone Wants To Marry Me

6 Years

Karma

Comparisons

Seperate

Creepy Photo Guy

Earth Hour = Good For Relationships

Sydney

Been A While

Rough Day At Work

Weekend Drive

Tuesday

Rollercoaster Of Love

Tonight

Then Not So Strong Again

Everything Going Strong

Valentine's Day

Presents

Unusual But Nice

Valentine's Gift

Home Alone

Reassuring Call

Tuesday

Love Not So Strong

Butterflies

The Weekend Is Over

Valentine's Day

Dreading The Weekend

So Angry

Birthday Woes

Snuggling In Front Of The TV

New Member of The Family

A Bumpy First Week

A Year Of Happiness?

So Long Between Posts

Driving Me Crazy

Ups and Downs

On Holiday

Another Update

2 And A Half Weeks In

A Week After The Move

The Big Move

Never- Ending Packing

Fridge Organised

Moving Out!

Choices

Another Hitch

We Got Approved

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows

Long Wait And Lack of Hope

Only Applicants

Over

I Want To Move NOW!

Time To Give Up?

Loser

Quiz TIme

Another Rental Attempt

The End is Near?

Music, Film, TV, Books and Other Stuff (50 questions)

Relaxing Together

Impossible House Hunt

Why Do Boys Take Longer To Grow Up?

Climbed the Story Bridge

Tired and Aching

Boys *Rolls Eyes*

No Better

Unresolved Again

First Day

Getting Very Nervous

How Infuriating!

Dinner and Movies

Is It Normal To Be Scared?

Early Celebration

It's Nice When They Remember

Future Plans

One Of Those Nights

Good News To Share

Boys Rolls Eyes